Planet Zahgon

Got Water?

2006-05-19T16:48:00.000-04:00

The 72-year-old mayor was arrested this week on charges he sought sex from two women in exchange for preventing their water from being turned off.

What I really like about this story is the fact that at the end of it the AP had to throw in the line 'Waldron is 100 miles west of Little Rock' just to let you know that, yes, Bill Clinton was probably involved in this too. Sure, they didn't come right out and say it but we get the picture.

Missed It By That Much

2006-05-17T10:07:00.000-04:00

Rounding error means Gatlin only tied 100m record

Justin Gatlin equaled but did not break the 100-meter world record at the Qatar Grand Prix last week, the sport's governing body said Wednesday.

The International Association of Athletics Federations said a timing error in Doha gave Gatlin a time of 9.76 seconds, which was one-hundredth of a second below Asafa Powell's world mark of 9.77.

It's still impressive, but the title "co-fastest person alive" just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

My New Cell Phone Plan

2006-04-12T09:44:00.000-04:00

How many years has it been talked about and they still can't decide if cell phones cause cancer or not? I saw a recent report about it on the news and as usual one study found that they do and another found that they don't. So which is it? We may never know, but I have an idea that should at least double the time it takes to get cancer from a cell phone. I'm gonna start alternating the ear I hold the phone to - right, left, right left. Most people use the same ear predominantly so this way the gamma rays or whatever is in a phone (admittedly, I'm no scientist) are hitting each side less frequently, thus at the very least I'd be slowing down the cancerization. I figure switching ears once per sentence should about do it. I understand that cell phones also cause car accidents so I'm gonna apply the same theory to that by alternating my driving on the right and left sides of the road every couple of minutes. I hope it works!

Soft Drinks For Everyone!

2006-04-04T19:34:00.000-04:00

Artificial Sweetener Cleared of Cancer Link

A huge federal study in people — not rats — takes the fizz out of arguments that the diet soda sweetener aspartame might raise the risk of cancer.

No increased risk was seen even among people who gulped down many artificially sweetened drinks a day, said researchers who studied the diets of more than half a million older Americans.

I knew they were innocent all along! I can just see the headlines in tomorrow's newspapers: "Diet Coke acquitted, Pepsi Free!".

This of course puts the kibosh on my plans to get rich selling "Free Coke" t-shirts, but at least justice was served.

Always In the Dark

2006-03-30T15:51:00.000-05:00

Total Solar Eclipse Streaks Across Earth

Schoolchildren shouted and even scientists shed a tear as the moon's dark shadow sped across Earth's surface from Brazil to Mongolia on Wednesday, marking the first total solar eclipse in more than two years.

Two years? Wow, has it been that long?!? Somehow I managed to miss this but I'm guessing if I had remembered to check it out, it might have looked something like this:

Spectacular!

Dude Looks Like a Lady (and Vice Versa)

2006-03-27T10:48:00.000-05:00

Woman Allegedly Took Kids, Husband's Identity (Children Believed She Was Their Daddy, Marshals Service Says)

A woman accused of abducting her two young children from their father, then radically changing her appearance and assuming his identity, was in custody on suspicion of kidnapping, authorities said.

She may have fooled her own kids, but no adult in the world would ever believe that this is a man, you know, because of the lipstick and all.

(I'm sure gettin' a lot of mileage out of this picture, huh?)

Lunar Loonies

2006-03-26T22:12:00.000-05:00

U.S. Plans Moon Base On Path To Mars

For the first time since 1972, the United States is planning to fly to the moon, but instead of a quick, Apollo-like visit, astronauts intend to build a permanent base and live there while they prepare what may be the most ambitious undertaking in history — putting human beings on Mars.

I don't see how in the world this is gonna work. You gotta figure building this base is gonna take forever since they have to swing those hammers in zero gravity. Not to mention all the time spent chasing tools if they happen to drop any (would you still call it dropped?). Have you noticed also that the more problems the space program seems to have, the bigger the projects and goals are that get announced? At the rate we're going can a plan to colonize Pluto be far off?

Spaced Out

2006-03-24T22:38:00.000-05:00

New Mars orbiter sends its first pictures

NASA’s new red planet probe, the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, has relayed spectacular test images using its super-powerful camera.

It's definitely cheap humor, I just wish to God I could say it was beneath me.

A Drain on the System

2006-03-23T18:21:00.000-05:00

Utah Girl Wins Science Competition

A Utah girl won a prestigious science competition Tuesday for analyzing how to protect water quality by improving environmental buffers and changing daily behavior. Shannon Babb of Highland, Utah, earned a $100,000 college scholarship in the 2006 Intel Science Talent Search. Babb, who attends American Fork High School, spent six months studying the Spanish Fork River drainage system to assess the effects of human and animal behavior.

This must be smart people awards week or something! First I read about a guy who gets a bunch of money for his accomplishments in math and now this girl is getting a huge scholarship for some kind of science competition. It's really making me re-think my area of specialty because I don't see them giving out an award for the best "sports watcher". Of course, the week isn't over yet so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Not To Be Confused With the Nobel Prize

2006-03-23T18:08:00.000-05:00

Swede Wins $900,000 Math Prize

Lennart Carleson of the Royal Institute of Technology in Sweden won the $909,900 Abel Prize for mathematics on Thursday for his problem solving and contributions to advancing the discipline.

Wow, that's...one, two, three zeros...that's like thousands of dollars he won just for being good at math. Luckout!

Spielberg's Next Project

2006-03-22T21:37:00.000-05:00

Texas Arresting People In Bars For Being Drunk

Texas has begun sending undercover agents into bars to arrest drinkers for being drunk, a spokeswoman for the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission said on Wednesday.

The first sting operation was conducted recently in a Dallas suburb where agents infiltrated 36 bars and arrested 30 people for public intoxication, said the commission’s Carolyn Beck.

Being in a bar does not exempt one from the state laws against public drunkenness, Beck said.

Sweet! This is just like in the movie "Minority Report" where they arrest people for crimes they're gonna commit in the future. I can just imagine how it must go: "You're under arrest for public urination fifteen minutes from now!" It's the ultimate sting operation really since people have had hundreds of years to get used to going into bars to get drunk and bravo to the police for their patience. They waited til just the right time to spring the trap and now they're gonna catch people so off guard. It's brilliant!

A Milestone Already?

2006-03-22T20:22:00.000-05:00

What a ride! It's only been a few short days but Planet Zahgon has already reached a milestone. I'm not sure what to attribute this influx of major traffic to (though I'm guessing some big site has either linked to my blog or passed the word on about it) but I'm happy to announce that late tuesday evening Planet Zahgon surpassed the 50 visitor mark! Actually, I would have posted about it last night when it would have been more timely but I was busy answering the e-mail I received regarding this blog (you could have just called, mom!). So I just want to say thanks to those 50 who have taken the time to drop by. You're the reason Planet Zahgon is number 8,998,563 with a bullet!

-- Zahgon

Objects May Be Closer Than They Appear

2006-03-20T11:52:00.000-05:00

Flying Cow Leaves Two Police Cars in Flames

Talk about a wild night near Seguin. A cow came flying out of its trailer, sent DPS and police scrambling, and left two police cars going up in flames.

"It was almost hard to believe," said Detective Sergeant Maureen Watson. She has been in law enforcement for 15 years, and says she "never had a day like this. I mean the best way to characterize this it, is it's bizarre. It's really really strange."

It's strange because it started out with a truck towing cattle, and ended in fire.

Watson told News 4 WOAI, "We believe the gate of the cattle trailer came open, and the cow, for lack of a better phrase spilled out onto the Interstate. It was pretty chaotic for a while."

Several cars hit some of the cows. One cow died. DPS troopers called for backup.

That's when one officer was nearly run down by a speeding truck, carrying two illegal immigrants inside.

Cows flying out of trucks? That's nothing. They really would have had a story if illegal immigrants came flying out. Now that's something you don't see everyday!

Thanks to ChaosKitty of StumbleUpon fame for sending me this article!

We Have Ourselves a Deal

2006-03-20T10:23:00.000-05:00

US and India seal nuclear accord

The US and India have finalised a controversial nuclear deal after talks in Delhi between President George W Bush and Indian PM Manmohan Singh.

In the picture below, President Bush reaches out a hand to show Prime Minister Singh the "secret" nuclear handshake.

Fine Art, Aisle Three

2006-03-18T19:30:00.000-05:00

Picasso's Daughter Says Drawing Is a Fake

Maya Widmaier-Picasso, a daughter of Picasso who authenticates works attributed to him, said yesterday in Paris that a $40,000 drawing purchased by a California man through Costco last year was a fake.

And to think I almost bought one from Costco myself the other day! There's one impulse purchase I'm glad I didn't make.

Nice Penmanship Anyway

2006-03-18T17:48:00.000-05:00

Al-Qaida Notes Revealed - World News - MSNBC.com

Recruits at Osama bin Laden’s terrorist training camps in Afghanistan were clamoring for suicide missions against the United States more than a year before the Sept. 11 attacks, according to al-Qaida documents declassified by the U.S. Defense Department.

The U.S. military said the documents, published Wednesday, were "captured during recent operations." Some were seized in the 2003 invasion of Iraq but many, according to U.S. Rep. Pete Hoekstra, were found in Afghanistan.

I generally like to stay away from the more "heavy" topics, but I got a major exclusive on this story and have to put my journalist's hat on temporarily here. I have obtained an original copy of a note written by an Al Qaida operative laying out his detailed plans for terror and destruction. Chilling.

Note: This item was acquired from a large online auction site, which shall remain nameless. The seller, whom I will simply call "Deep Auction" assured me that this note is 100% real (or my money back!) and even sent along a cool "Certificate of Authenticity".

Coming In On a Wing and a Prayer

2006-03-18T10:53:00.000-05:00

Turkey Crashes Through Home Window

Gerald and Maureen Henze were watching some afternoon TV in their home when all of a sudden everything changed. After a loud bang, Maureen was showered by shards of glass, and Gerald and their dog were chasing a turkey down the hall.

"Something just exploded," Gerald Henze told The Saginaw News.

He turned and saw a turkey walking down the hallway. Maureen Henze, who was sitting in a recliner, was injured by flying glass after the turkey crashed through the picture window of their James Township home.

Clearly something had to spook this turkey enough to risk life and wing by just crashing right through a window, but what was it? They don't mention it in this article, but I managed to get ahold of a picture of what this turkey was running from:

Man, the word is really out!

Welcome to My World!

2006-03-16T14:56:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Planet Zahgon! You do not remember me. I am Jor-El. I am...your father.

Okay, the truth is I'm not your father (but then you're not exactly Superman either you know). I'd still like to be a part of your life though if that's okay. You don't have to call me dad or anything, but maybe I could come by and pick you up every other weekend and we could fly kites in the park or something, you know, like a real broken family might do. I could drop you off and argue with your mother about why the child support checks are late and you could sit under the kitchen table with your fingers in your ears as you rock back and forth while singing to yourself. What do ya say?

No? How about this then, I'll just write this blog and you can keep coming back to read it? Good. I knew we could come to an agreement that was amicable to the both of us. I'll have my lawyer draw up the papers ASAP.

Now that we've gotten past all the tough negotiating, allow me to explain what it is exactly that I'm doing here. For almost a year now I have been using a cool program called StumbleUpon which allows you to review websites based on a thumbs up or thumbs down system, even allowing you to add your own written reviews with actual words comprised of letters and everything! I have written many such reviews and decided to port them over to this, a more "proper" blog, which of course means that you have a lot of catching up to do.

So what will you find at Planet Zahgon? Primarily my comedic take on websites, news stories, movies and life in general. But look a little deeper and you may find something else. Your soul. Sorry, I got carried away there. You won't find your soul, but all the other stuff I mentioned is really here. Just to warn you though, I've been called "comprehensive" by a few people, "bonkers" by some and "weird" by others. Truth be told, I'm all of those things and less. Much, much less. So I invite you to read Planet Zahgon for yourself (or even for a friend) and you'll no doubt have a few names to call me as well. And that's level!

You're Out of Order, the Both of You!

2006-03-16T10:37:00.000-05:00

Man sues himself for vehicle damage - Peculiar Postings - MSNBC.com

"When a dump truck backed into Curtis Gokey's car, he decided to sue the city for damages. Only thing is, he was the one driving the dump truck.

But that minor detail didn't stop Gokey, a Lodi city employee, from filing a $3,600 claim for the December accident, even after admitting the crash was his fault."

I hope he's got two good lawyers. Of course, if he's representing himself I see a major conflict of interest. At any rate, I'd like to see him win because that idiot who backed into his car shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

Boobs of the World Unite!

2006-03-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

boob-tube.blogspot.com

At last, the boobs of the world have their advocate and his name is Keith Milford (we have the same last name...what are the odds?). I have blogged about some of Keith's other cool blogs in the past (Malls of America, Old Haunts, Motel Hell, to name a few) and now comes his latest creation called "Boob Tube", which is quite possibly his artistic nadir...wait, does nadir mean highest point or lowest point? Well anyway, here's what this genius (yes, I'm gonna call him a genius) has done. He's mined the vast number of videos on YouTube, selecting the creme de la creme of videos with beautiful women as the subject matter and compiled them into a one stop collection of the best of the best or as his own description puts it, "Blogging Hot chicks from YouTube for you to dig on with your eyes."

Keith definitely has a great eye, one might say almost an uncanny ability to think like a boob. Sure, some may consider it sophomoric, but I prefer to look at it as art at it's highest level to be appreciated in the same way the world embraced "Baywatch", for example. And as with "Baywatch", the fun on "Boob Tube" is all very PG-13 so it's good, wholesome entertainment for the entire family (provided everyone in the family is over the age of 13). Bravo!

Chew on This One

2006-03-11T15:49:00.000-05:00

Boys gum is plucked from valuable art

"It's not often you see a 53-year-old professional play with his gum, but on Friday morning at the Detroit Institute of Arts, paintings conservator Alfred Ackerman picked up a wad of chewed Wrigley's Extra Polar Ice and stretched it like taffy, flipping it around his finger to create a second disgusting strand.

"I chewed it to get a sense of what this was like in terms of stickiness and tackiness and the amount of moisture we would be dealing with when we lifted it off," said Ackerman.

The saga of the $1.5-million abstract painting defaced two weeks ago by a 12-year-old boy who stuck gum on it during a school outing is heading for a happy ending. After intensive research, experimentation and surgical work with high-performance tweezers, hand-rolled Q-tips and a fast-evaporating solvent -- plus some purposeful fooling around with gum -- the quarter-sized residue on Helen Frankenthaler's "The Bay" is gone."

Am I reading this right? The guy picked up CHEWED gum, played with it a bit and then chewed it himself? Yeah, that seems like completely normal behavior from an adult. Suddenly the kid who planted the gum on the painting in the first place is looking mature by comparison.

I don't envy the guy though, he's got a difficult task in front of him. I have no idea how he's gonna get that huge piece of blue gum off that artwork, but if he does I think the painting will look great.

Great, More Worries

2006-03-10T10:11:00.000-05:00

Flesh-eating germ kills woman in three days - Infectious Diseases - MSNBC.com

"North Carolina health officials are investigating the death of a woman who died last week of a flesh-eating bacteria three days after accidentally jamming her hand in a wheelchair while working at a nursing home. The culprit was a rare invasive form of group A streptococcal bacteria, said Debbie Crane, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Health and Human Services. The noninvasive form is widespread and is commonly known for causing strep throat, she said."

Well this creates a real dilemma. I don't know if I should be worrying about dying from the bird flu or flesh eating bacteria now. Then there's always the good old standbys like cancer, heart disease, stroke, car accident, fall from a tall building because you're trying to imitate Superman (maybe that's just me though).

One Giant Step For Dogkind

2006-03-08T10:32:00.000-05:00

Doggy Steps, Official Site

"Does Your Pet Have Difficulty Climbing Up To His Favorite Spot? The solution is Doggy Steps. It's just the right height to help smaller and older dogs step up where they want to go - up to couches and beds. It's also great for pets to step up into cars or trucks. It's lightweight and portable so it goes anywhere and no more bending over to help your pet up... so there's less stress on your back too!"

I could have used one of these back when I had dogs. As they got older they would try to jump up on the bed, make it halfway, then slide down slowly as they desperately tried to hang on before finally dropping like Wile E. Coyote off the side of a cliff. Once in a while I'd paint a doghouse on the wall and watch them try to run into it too, you know, just for laughs.

Yanni - Live at the County Court House

2006-03-07T14:41:00.000-05:00

Yanni arrested over alleged dispute - Celebrity News - MSNBC.com

"The musician Yanni was arrested at his home after an alleged domestic dispute with his girlfriend, authorities said. Yanni, whose legal name is John Yanni Christopher, was arrested early Friday and faces a domestic battery charge, according to a police report. The Greek-born singer-pianist denied the allegations."

I don't think Yanni has a legal leg to stand on here. Since she's been living with the guy, it's safe to say his girlfriend has been forced to listen to his music a lot and I don't think there's any court in the country that wouldn't consider that "domestic abuse". How many years do they give you in Florida for assault with a deadly keyboard?

Why Bother?

2006-03-07T09:32:00.000-05:00

Gadget lets authors sign books from afar - Innovation - MSNBC.com

"Margaret Atwood has had enough of long journeys, late nights and writer's cramp. Tired of grueling book tours, the Booker Prize-winning Canadian author on Sunday unveiled her new invention: a remote-controlled pen that allows writers to sign books for fans from thousands of miles away."

Margaret Atwood is right, interacting with the fans who support you by purchasing your books on a one on one basis is for the birds. If something can be done to make the "autograph session" even more distant, cold and impersonal then it really ought to be done. I think this idea can be expanded on though. For example, I'm gonna stop buying books altogether which should save me from those grueling trips to the bookstore, not to mention the many tiring hours spent reading. Phew! I feel better already!

Don't Walk Away

2006-03-06T09:32:00.000-05:00

During the Academy Awards last night while announcing the nominees for "Best Supporting Actor" they showed some scenes from the movie "Syriana" with George Clooney, who had received a nomination. Clooney of course ended up winning but I have no idea how he's considered a "supporting actor" when I can't name one other actor from "Syriana" (and neither can you) because George Clooney is not only the star (which in my book makes him an "Actor" and not a "Supporting Actor") but also the only person on the movie poster. Just like I have no idea how Rachel Weisz is the "Best Supporting Actress" in "The Constant Gardener" when it appears the only person she's even remotely "supporting" in that movie is Ralph Fiennes, who is an act-or and not an act-ress.

I may not know how they figure that stuff out, but I do know one thing. In a movie, when someone is walking down a street and behind them there is a huge explosion and they don't turn around to look at it, that's the person who did it. I use the above picture of "Syriana" as exhibit A. I haven't seen the movie, but I have seen clips and not only does George Clooney not look back at the massive ball of fire shooting up into the sky, but he's walking with a brief case in his hand which makes him look even more suspicious. But nobody ever puts two and two together and says, "Maybe that guy who's walking away calmly and not even looking at the blaze while carrying a brief case did it!". You would think a cop might notice this odd activity. In the movies they never do. I swear though, if I'm ever near a big explosion, I'm looking for that one person who's walking away while everyone else is freaking out. They did it!

Mona Lisa Chews

2006-03-02T11:20:00.000-05:00

AOL News: Top News - Boy Sticks Gum on $1.5 Million Museum Painting

"The Detroit Institute of Arts is stuck with having to repair a painting worth $1.5 million dollars. It has to remove a stain left by a wad of gum stuck on the painting by a 12-year-old visitor. The gum didn't stick to the fiber of the canvas, but left a stain the size of a quarter. Museum experts are researching the chemicals in the gum to decide how to clean the painting. The boy was suspended from school."

As you can see, I managed to get a picture of the painting with the bubble gum still attached. You can't be too mad at the kid, he was just having a little fun. Now he's got a story he can tell his grandkids someday. Besides, Da Vinci is said to have had a great sense of humor so he probably would have gotten a good laugh out of it too. I hear, by the way, that the museum has some of "Big League Chews" top scientists on the case, so it shouldn't be a problem getting the stain out.

A Choke Hold On the Election

2006-03-02T00:35:00.000-05:00

Senator saves opponent - U.S. Life - MSNBC.com

"Maryland Sen. John Giannetti was waiting for his penne pasta and meatballs order at an Italian restaurant when he saw a man choking. Giannetti rushed over, performed the Heimlich maneuver, dislodged a chunk of seafood, and possibly saved the life of his opponent in an upcoming race.

It's not the first time in recent months that a Maryland politician saved someone from choking. Last October, Montgomery County Executive Doug Duncan, a Democrat running for governor, performed the Heimlich maneuver on a county commissioner who choked on a chicken sandwich while the two dined.

"It's not the first time in recent months that a Maryland politician saved someone from choking."

I had to quote that last line twice because it's just that incredible. I mean...really?!? It's happened more than once EVER?? Wow! I know there are classes you can take about eating properly (diet, etc.), but are there classes you can take about "eating properly", such as the mechanics of chewing and swallowing? These people need some help because clearly dinner is becoming something of an occupational hazzard.

But The Meat's a Better Defender

2006-02-27T12:30:00.000-05:00

Soccer team trades player ... for meat - Soccer - MSNBC.com

"Romanian second division soccer club UT Arad sold a player in exchange for 33 pounds of meat, local sport daily Pro Sport reported on Monday.

However, the deal turned out badly for fourth-division Regal Horia, because defender Marius Cioara decided to end his soccer career and find a job in agriculture or construction in Spain.

"We are upset because we lost twice -- firstly because we lost a good player and secondly because we lost our team's food for a whole week," a Regal Horia official was quoted as saying by the daily in its electronic edition."

At what point in his career do you think it occurred to this guy that he's not exactly Pelé? I think when you get traded for some meat but decide to retire instead and the team that traded you is bummed out that they aren't getting the meat, that pretty much let's you know where you stand.

Dance Dance Dance!

2006-02-27T11:18:00.000-05:00

No dance-off needed after "Dancing" finale - Dancing with the Stars - MSNBC.com

"The producers of "Dancing With The Stars" are undoubtedly breathing a sigh of relief after Sunday's finale. While last year's conclusion sparked controversy eventually leading to a grudging "dance-off," this year's win by Drew Lachey and his partner Cheryl Burke will go down much more easily with viewers, and rightly so."

I didn't watch last season of "Dancing With the Stars" and I didn't watch this season either, but I'm gonna act like I watched it and say that I was really hoping for a "dance-off" on the finale yesterday. Is there anything more exciting in life than a dance-off? I certainly don't think so! In fact, I was hoping Drew Lachey would collapse from exhaustion at some point only to jump up as they're carting him off to do that Russian dance that Fonzie did in the episode of "Happy Days" where he entered the dance contest with "Shortcake" and won. Only with Lachey and his partner the win would be legit. Fonzie of course cheated bigtime because the entire premise of his dance contest was that the couple that danced the longest non-stop would win. Fonzie laid on that stretcher a good minute before his "miracle" recovery. That other couple should have filed a protest or something.

Some Things Shouldn't Be So Convenient

2006-02-27T10:06:00.000-05:00

There's a bank near my house that looks something like this, though I don't recall if it's a Citizens Bank or what. The weird thing about this bank though is that it's in a very small building but only half of it is the bank, which is in the back and the other half, which is facing the road, is a liquor store. What a combination! It's perfect when you think about it. You can get liquored up in the front to kind of get your nerve up and then rob the bank in the back all in one convenient building. Though it's small, the bank still manages to have a drive thru so you can even rob it from inside your getaway car. Of course, it all goes up in smoke if you get pulled over for drunk driving, but that's a "cross that bridge when you get there" situation really.

UPDATE: It occurred to me that this whole bank/liquor store may be some kind of modern day "Speakeasy", except when you go into the liquor store and give "the word" they hook you up with a savings account. It's one theory anyway.

Triplets?

2006-02-25T09:25:00.000-05:00

Seperated At Birth?

U Can't Blog This!

2006-02-24T09:04:00.000-05:00

MC Hammer

"What a good feeling to see that everywhere I look, no matter what name they put on it, everybody's dancing! In the Bay Area we "goin' dumb", "thizz'n", and gettin' "hyphy". In LA they "krump'n" and gettin' "buck". The dirty South they doin the "snap dance". The west coast dances have evolved from the emotions and culture of the environment."

Just last night I took the wife out for an evening of dinner and dance and it just so happens we were "goin' dumb" and gettin' "hyphy" til sun up. It was just a delightful night, one I was fortunate to share with a couple of colleagues and their charming wives as well. They were gettin' "buck" all night and I even had to say to one friend, "Whoa! Slow down, old boy. You're liable to hurt yourself and you'll be no good for our cricket match tomorrow." Do I have some great yarns to spin for the guys at the yacht club about this crazy night out!

Albert Cardinal Pujols

2006-02-22T10:01:00.000-05:00

Pope names 15 new cardinals - Europe - MSNBC.com

"Pope Benedict XVI named 15 new cardinals Wednesday, including John Paul II's longtime private secretary and prelates from Boston and Hong Kong, adding his first installment to the elite group of churchmen who will elect his successor."

This has kind of gone under the radar and it's not even mentioned in this article, but congratulations to Cardinal Albert Pujols for being one of the 15 Cardinals chosen by the Pope. Though I'm a Detroit Tigers fan, I have to give credit where credit is due and with the seasons he's been putting together since he came into the league, I knew it was only a matter of time before he got some divine recognition.

Art That's Very Artistically Done

2006-02-21T10:08:00.000-05:00

Ando Hiroshige

I'm but a simple man and I don't know nothin' 'bout art and other fancy stuff, but I do know that the artwork on this site speaks to me. Unfortunately it speaks to me in Japanese and I have no idea what it's saying, but I still get a sense of it's greatness.

Don't Let the Door Hit You On the Way Out

2006-02-20T09:28:00.000-05:00

ESPN.com - MLB - Bonds: Im not playing baseball anymore after this

Barry Bonds is preparing to enter spring training for his 21st -- and, he says, final -- Major League Baseball season. The Giants slugger, who is 47 home runs shy of Hank Aaron's all-time record, told USA Today on Sunday he plans to retire after this season -- with or without the home run record.

"I'm not playing baseball anymore after this," Bonds told the paper in a telephone interview from his California home. "The game [isn't] fun anymore. I'm tired of all of the crap going on. I want to play this year out, hopefully win, and once the season is over, go home and be with my family. Maybe then everybody can just forget about me."

Don't let the cheerful disposition fool you, Barry Bonds is a notoriously bad guy in sports. I remember reading an article in the National Enquirer years ago (so you know it must be true!) about how when Bing Crosby died, his youngest son Lindsay was playing tennis when he was informed of his father's death, whom he had had a very poor relationship with to say the least. According to the article he stopped playing and stood there for a second then continued on with the game without saying a word. As a baseball fan, that's basically my reaction to hearing of Barry Bonds's retirement plans...but without the pause.

All the Cool Countries Are Doing It

2006-02-17T11:16:00.000-05:00

NASA chief warns against spaceflight gap - Space News - MSNBC.com

"The U.S. human spaceflight program is "strained to the limit," NASA's chief said Thursday, warning against any long gap between the end of the shuttle era and the first flight of a planned new spaceship.

"The United States risks both a real and a perceived loss of leadership on the world stage if we are unable to launch our own astronauts into space for an extended period of time when other nations possess their own capabilities to do so," NASA Administrator Michael Griffin told a congressional committee."

And if other nations were jumping off a bridge would we do it too? Seriously, I think this is the first time I've ever heard a scientist use the "everyone else is doing it" excuse. I don't know what he's worried about though, I think we've proven the United States to be very good at lauching people out into space. It's just the "bringing them back safely" part that we haven't exactly perfected yet.

The Hoff Loves You

2006-02-14T10:38:00.000-05:00

Many years ago David Hasselhoff was on the daytime soap, "The Young and the Restless" and he played a character named "Snapper". I'll say that again, he played a character named "Snapper".

Strike One!

2006-02-13T10:18:00.000-05:00

news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060214/ap_on_re_mi_ea/saddam_trial

"Saddam Hussein and three former officials in his regime on Tuesday told the court handling their trial that they were on a hunger strike in protest of the judge overseeing the proceedings."

If we're lucky he'll keep this up long enough so that the rest of the trial isn't even necessary. I think I may have mentioned this before, but have you ever noticed that while good people in all walks of life are dying tragically and much too soon all the time, dictators never just drop dead of heart attack or anything? For example, you'd think the way Castro smoked cigars his whole life he'd at least have the decency to get lung cancer or something, jeez! As it is he'll probably live to be 100. He's like George Burns except not as funny. Not near as funny.

Whittington's Friend

2006-02-13T10:14:00.000-05:00

msnbc.msn.com/id/11312757/

"A 78-year-old hunting companion of Vice President Dick Cheney was recovering in stable condition Monday after Cheney accidentally shot him during a weekend quail hunting trip, a hospital official said.

Harry Whittington spent "a great night. He slept throughout the night," said Yvonne Wheeler, spokeswoman at Christus Spohn Hospital Memorial. She listed his condition as "very stable," but said she did not know if Whittington would be discharged Monday."

No seriously, he's doing fine. Couldn't be better. If there was something above "stable", he'd be that. He doesn't feel a bit like he just got shot by the VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!

Dick Cheney may shoot people, but at least he doesn't lie about creating the internet.

They're Getting So Picky About Carry On

2006-02-10T09:53:00.000-05:00

Human skull found in airport luggage - Peculiar Postings - MSNBC.com

"Baggage screeners found what they believe is a human skull in a passenger's luggage at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, authorities said.

The female passenger arrived Thursday from Haiti aboard Lynx International Airlines Flight 203, Zack Mann, spokesman for the federal Bureau of Customs and Border Protection told WTVJ-TV.

The woman is being questioned by authorities and has not been arrested, Mann said. The Broward County medical examiner's office was assisting with the investigation."

The problem isn't so much that the woman was trying to bring a human skull into the country, but that she forgot to declare it. I'm sure after a little paperwork she'll be on her way.

Whiskey River Took His Mind

2006-02-09T09:33:00.000-05:00

California gets a whiff of BioWillie - Celebrity News - MSNBC.com

"Willie Nelson introduced California to "BioWillie", his brand of clean-burning fuel made from soybeans.

BioWillie went on sale Wednesday at an alternative fuel station in San Diego where the 72-year-old singer filled his tour bus from a pump emblazoned with a picture of himself strumming a guitar.

"It is the future," Nelson said. "Through biodiesel, we can reduce dependency on foreign oil and adopt an energy source that's clean renewable and helps family farmers find new uses for their products."

Sounds good and all, but I really have to take the idea with a grain of salt when it's coming from a guy famous for a song called "Whiskey River". I have to admit though that if soybean fuel really works It's quite an innovation, it's just that Willie Nelson is the last guy I would have ever expected to champion the alternative fuel cause. And a hillbilly shall lead them, I guess.

Forbidden Love

2006-02-08T11:29:00.000-05:00

* Just a little something I threw together in Photoshop *

"I wish I could quit you John Boy."

Mouth-To-Beak

2006-02-08T09:22:00.000-05:00

Woman does mouth-to- beak to save chicken - Peculiar Postings - MSNBC.com

"Sometimes a chicken does have lips, just not her own. Marian Morris saved her brother's exotic chicken, Boo Boo, by administering "mouth-to-beak" resuscitation on the fowl after it was found floating face down in the family's pond."

Then she ate it.

Paint It Black (and Gold)

2006-02-06T12:28:00.000-05:00

ESPN.com - NFL - Recap

"The Pittsburgh Steelers were the overwhelming sentimental Super Bowl XL favorites, both here and in Las Vegas, but for better than three quarters, the Seattle Seahawks had Pittsburgh engaged in a serious football game.

Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck had just thrown a boneheaded interception, but the Steelers were still clinging to a tenuous 14-10 fourth-quarter lead when they busted out a trick play that, considering its place in this ultimate game, will outstrip the Music City Miracle."

I watched the Super Bowl with my dad and my brother and although the game itself was just so-so, it was still nice that they had it right here in Detroit this year. The best part of the evening though was when my dad complained about the Rolling Stones with, "It's just a bunch of yelling...you don't even know what he's saying!" and my brother, without missing a beat, said "You just don't understand your generation's music."

Classic.

He Was a Good One

2006-02-06T11:16:00.000-05:00

Tasmanian devils bedeviled by cancer - Science - MSNBC.com

"A mysterious illness that has killed tens of thousands of Tasmanian devils is caused by cancerous tumors that are spread by ferocious squabbling among the carnivorous marsupials, according to research published Thursday.

Numbers of the black, fox-sized scavengers with a bloodcurdling growl and powerful jaws that crunch through the bones of much larger animals have plunged in the past decade on Australia's island state of Tasmania, which is their only natural habitat."

What's really sad is that the passing of one of the cartoon world's most beloved characters was not even mentioned in this article.

Here's what IMDB says about him:

Date of birth (location)
19 June 1936
Warsaw, Poland

Date of death (details)
2 February 2006
Los Angeles, California, USA (respiratory failure due to cancer)

Trivia
Got his start doing stunt work in Disney Films.

Biography for
Tasmanian Devil

Birth name
Tazmanian Rafal Divilski

Height
30cm (11.8 inches)

Mini biography

Tasmanian moved to the United States from Warsaw with his family at the age of nine. As a teen he received intense pressure from his parents to go to medical school and did indeed attend Columbia for a short time before dropping out to pursue his own dream of acting. Taz found roles hard to come by though and, realizing that his heavy accent was hurting his chances at speaking roles, began working with a speaking coach. Around this time he had also taken a job cleaning up the Disney movie lots and was spotted by none other than Walt Disney himself, who noticed the way Taz performed his duties with reckless abandon and offered him a job doing stunt work on Disney shorts. He proved a natural and a month later Disney signed him to a two year contract doubling exclusively for Mickey Mouse. Taz found the life of a stuntman hard, grueling work and after breaking both legs in a scene where Mickey falls from a table, decided to leave Disney at the end of his contract. When he was back on his feet again fate smiled on Tasmanian when his agent received word that Warner Bros. was looking for someone to play opposite their top star, Bugs Bunny, in a new short entitled "Devil May Hare" (1954). Taz won the role and acted in four more successful shorts for Warner Bros. before they shut down their animation studios in 1964. Having made enough off these shorts to get by comfortably on, Tasmanian lived in semi-retirement with his wife and three kids in Los Angeles until the late 80's when Warner Bros. animation studios enjoyed a renaissance, as did Tasmanian's career. He continued acting even after being diagnosed with cancer and had even been signed to team up once again with his old pal Bugs Bunny in "Hare and Now" which was set to begin production in summer 2006.

Spouse
Dorothy Devil

Trade mark
Spinning around really fast. Huge appetite.

Sometimes credited as:
Tazmanian Devil, Taz Devil, Taz

I think I speak for everyone when I say he'll be missed.

On the Lam

2006-02-03T08:59:00.000-05:00

Pregnant wife's 15-year-old husband runs away - U.S. Life - MSNBC.com

"A 15-year-old boy whose 37-year-old wife is due to give birth to the couple's baby this month has run away from a group home, prompting the boy's grandmother to speculate that the wife was involved in the disappearance."

You just know he's gonna be grounded when he gets home.

A Life of Crime

2006-02-02T12:53:00.000-05:00

Burglar solved math problems - Aftenposten.no

"A highly unusual break-in at a grammar school in Klæbu resulted in a bit of mental exercise. The burglar(s) did not appear to be out after material gain. Instead of stealing, the intruder(s) sat down and began to solve the math problems intended for third grade students, newspaper Adresseavisen reports. According to local law enforcement officials a good job was done and all of the problems were solved correctly. There has been nothing reported missing or stolen from the school building and it remains a mystery how the intruder or intruders gained access to the school."

I swear, if I was gonna turn to a life of crime that's what I would do. I'd break into schools and solve math problems on chalkboards. I'd dub myself the "Chalkboard Bandit" and leave a calling card on the teacher's desk. I'd take nothing. When I eventually got caught I'd call it performance art and say it was a commentary on the poor school systems in this country. I'd probably get community service or a very light sentence. Once the court proceedings were behind me I'd parlay my certain fame into talk show appearances and a book deal (I'd call my autobiography "Addition By Subtraction: My Life as the Chalkboard Bandit"). I might even go on a speaking tour where the subject would be "Revamping the Education System In America". I'd probably get civic awards for my tireless efforts and at some point wind up serving in the U.S. Department of Education in some important position. Later, I'd be hired as a consultant for a major university and retire after amassing a nice fortune. On my deathbed I'd admit that the only reason I broke into schools and solved math problems in the first place was to teach kids the following lesson - crime does pay and when it does, you better be able to add up all the dollars you're raking in! That would be a life well lived.

The Bull Stops Here

2006-01-31T09:26:00.000-05:00

Bull jumps into stands in Mexico City - Americas - MSNBC.com

"A half-ton bull named Pajarito, or "Little Birdy", jumped into the stands during a bullfight, injuring several spectators before it was killed."

It's getting to where you can't taunt, poke and prod a bull for fun anymore without him getting all worked up and freaking out. Was it the skewers sticking out of his back that bothered this bull? Geez, talk about sensitive!

Hail To the Kingfish

2006-01-28T13:26:00.000-05:00

Hawaii's humuhumunukunukuapuaa ousted? - U.S. Life - MSNBC.com

"Everyone thought the humuhumunukunukuapuaa was Hawaii's state fish. As it turns out, the brightly colored fish with the excessively long name has been dethroned."

Yeah, they're just gonna scrap it and go with the Perch.

TurboTap Technology

2006-01-28T10:31:00.000-05:00

gizmag.com/go/4289/

"Beer is big business - the world consumes 150 billion litres of beer annually and in America alone, beer is a US$78.1 billion dollar industry accounting for 54% of all alcoholic beverage sales in dollars. Which is why the TurboTap is such an important invention - pours beer four times faster than existing beer taps at the same time as increasing keg yield by up to 30% and reducing training time to roughly 60 seconds. By increasing the number of customers that can be served by bar staff, the TurboTap can significantly increase profitability at peak times, and reduce staff numbers across the board."

I don't drink, so for all I care they could bring back prohibition and it wouldn't matter to me, but I think even the biggest drunk (if you're a big drunk, no offense) would agree that there's no need to improve keg technology. Let's get the genius who's making kegs pour faster working on creating a better auto wash or something really important like that. To call the "TurboTap" an "important invention" by the way is just wrong on many levels, but I'm guessing the person who wrote this received a "free sample" and made that statement after extensive "testing", if you know what I mean. At any rate, I have a suggestion for a slogan for the "TurboTap" and if someone from the company reads this, feel free to use it: "TurboTap. Get stinkin' drunk four times faster!"

Twice As Nice

2006-01-26T14:21:00.000-05:00

I knew this woman from the American Express ad running on MSNBC's website looked familiar, she's also the Accenture Intelligent Mirror ad woman! I'm glad to see the ridiculous aging process that this mirror predicted for her based on her lifestyle hasn't kicked in yet (see my post from Dec. 23rd). What's up though? Does she only own one shirt, or does she have a huge supply of navy blue button ups??? Notice that the mirror predicts she'll be wearing the same shirt five years from now and judging from these ads I believe it!

Is That a Titleist?

2006-01-25T11:35:00.000-05:00

London whale's death tied to dehydration - Environment - MSNBC.com

"The whale that made world headlines when it swam up the River Thames into central London last week died of several factors including dehydration, scientists who conducted a post-mortem said on Wednesday.

ZSL veterinary pathologist Paul Jepson, who carried out the autopsy, said early blood tests had shown the whale was remarkably free of parasites or any disease. There was also no evidence that the animal had any internal injury."

They don't mention it here, but I read that there were also no signs of foul play, so Shamoo is off the hook on this one. Does anyone else find it ironic that a whale would die of dehydration though? It's pretty clear that whales aren't the smartest creatures around because they're always taking wrong turns and getting stuck somewhere. What does it say about humans though that we know whales are gonna beach themselves and that when they do we'd like to get them back to open water, but after all these years we still haven't figured out a way to make that happen?

Deep Pocket Impact

2006-01-23T08:16:00.000-05:00

NASA postpones mission to visit two asteroids - Space News - MSNBC.com

"An unmanned NASA spacecraft intended to visit two of the solar system's largest asteroids will not launch this year, as the space agency deals with cost overruns and technical issues."

Look, I know there are those who are homeless and starving in the United States but seriously people, we have to figure out a way to get this spacecraft launched so we can have them orbit these huge asteroids. It's just too important to allow something like "cost overruns" to get in the way!

Swiss Pocket Watches Are Expensive!

2006-01-21T11:55:00.000-05:00

Swiss Pocket Watches - Sterling Silver Pocket Watches

There are three things the Swiss make really well: army knives, watches and hot chocolate (Swiss Miss is imported, right?). Anyway, I'm still on my quest for the perfect pocket watch and I figured since the Swiss are renowned the world over for their timepieces, that would be a good place to start looking for a pocket watch. It turns out it's not. The Swiss Pocket Watches on this site are nice, but way out of my price range at the moment. And the search continues...

Money Well Spent?

2006-01-17T12:10:00.000-05:00

NASA set to launch first spacecraft to Pluto - Space News - MSNBC.com

"Houston we have another colossal waste of money!"

"An unmanned NASA spacecraft the size of a piano is set to lift off Tuesday on a nine-year journey to Pluto, the last unexplored planet in the solar system.

The $700 million New Horizons mission also will study the surrounding Kuiper Belt, the mysterious zone of the solar system that is believed to hold thousands of comets and other icy objects. It could hold clues to how the planets were formed."

$700 million dollars?!?! I'm sorry but for $700 million dollars you better not be coming back simply with "clues" to how the planets were formed! I think I speak for everyone when I say that at a pricetag that high I expect NASA to wrap this mystery up faster than Scooby Doo and the gang figure out that old man Bowers the inn keeper is also the abominable snowman trying to scare tourists away from his secret hidden gold mines, which nobody knew were there in the first place.

And New World Champion

2006-01-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

Man solves Rubik's Cube in 11.13 seconds - U.S. News - MSNBC.com

A 20-year-old California Institute of Technology student set a new world's record Saturday for solving the popular Rubik's Cube puzzle, turning the tiled brain-twister from scrambled to solved in 11.13 seconds.

The least effective pickup line of all time: I solved the Rubick's Cube in 11.13 seconds, you wanna go out sometime?

Laziness 101

2006-01-15T14:43:00.000-05:00

Online classes popular on campus as well as off - Tech News & Reviews - MSNBC.com

"Andy Steele lives just a few blocks from the campus of Black Hills State University in Spearfish, S.D., so commuting to class isn't the problem. But he doesn't like lectures much, isn't a morning person, and wants time during the day to restore motorcycles.

So Steele, a full-time senior business major, has been taking as many classes as he can from the South Dakota state system's online offerings. He gets better grades and learns more, he says, and insists he isn't missing out on the college experience."

I can only say that it's good to see the youth of America has it's priorities in order and that the school system is responding by making adjustments to accommodate their student's busy lives. While they're at it, nobody really likes books. Tests stink too. Homework? It's for suckers! Some progress has been made, but clearly there's a lot yet to be done. I just hope they realize that the new Playstation is coming out soon and time management will be of the utmost importance.

Give Suplex the Pile Driver

2006-01-15T13:12:00.000-05:00

A word that always seems to get a bye, a free pass if you will, is the word "suplex". I've always thought that someone really needed to take it to task for being so ridiculous. Well the time has come and that "someone" is "me". Did you know it's not even in the dictionary? Nope, not in there. And I assure you this isn't a situation like the way people always like to say "ain't" isn't in the dictionary and then you look it up and it's actually there. It seems the world of wrestling has fed us the word "suplex", they completely made it up and we bought it hook, line and sinker. My suggestion is that everyone just ignore it. If you have a friend who's into wrestling and he/she tries to explain a cool move they saw and they use the term "suplex", just act like you have no idea what they're talking about. Trust me, it may be a little awkward, but they'll soon get the picture and stop using this fictitious word altogether. Eventually "suplex" will just go away and I'm 99.73% sure the world will be better for it.

Doom and Gloom (Things Are Looking Up!)

2006-01-13T12:25:00.000-05:00

Your resume, please

"The Lions were expected to interview Steelers offensive line coach Russ Grimm for their head coaching job Thursday night in Pittsburgh. Grimm reportedly is at or near the top of the Lions' list. Meanwhile, the Lions kept in close contact with ex-New Orleans coach Jim Haslett."

Matt Millen, president of the Detroit Lions, is public enemy number one right now in the state of Michigan. Word has it that Russ Grimm is the leading candidate to be the Lions next head coach. I don't know if he'll be any good, but I find it very ironic and incredibly fitting that the Lions head coach would be named Grimm considering the sad state the team is currently in. If you're a Lions fan just know that I sense you nodding in agreement right now.

Enough With the iPod Already!

2006-01-11T11:47:00.000-05:00

Levi Strauss debuts iPod-ready jeans - U.S. Business - MSNBC.com

"Call it the 21st Century watch pocket. Denim giant Levi Strauss said on Tuesday it had designed jeans compatible with the iPod music player, featuring a joystick in the watch pocket to operate the device."

First of all just let me say that there are about 1.3 million jokes I could make about jeans with a "joystick in the watch pocket", but I'm not gonna even bother with that. I would like to focus here on the devaluation of the watch pocket. You may recall that on Dec. 31st I posted that 2006 was gonna be the year of the watch pocket/pocket watch. For those of you who took the time to write and say that you support the idea, let me say that the plan is still a go. I'm currently shopping for the perfect pocket watch and this plan by the Levi Strauss company to go high tech with the watch pocket will not deter me from my goal of bringing the watch pocket back in style. If anything, this dumbing down of said pocket only strengthens my resolve to use this pocket as originally intended, thus preserving the of integrity of jeans. Levi Strauss must be turning over in his grave at this iPod-ready jeans idea. Tis truly a sad day for jeans.

Sounds Delicious

2006-01-08T12:19:00.000-05:00

Shanghai stalls serve up cat dressed as mutton - Food Inc. - MSNBC.com

"Shanghai street vendors are using the meat from stray cats to supplement mutton to make kebabs, an animal welfare organization said on Friday.

The Shanghai Small Animal Association has just completed a one-year investigation in which kebab samples, mostly lamb but sometimes rabbit, tested positively for cat meat."

There are two headlines I was always certain I would never see in my lifetime: "Mariah Carey Wins Oscar" and "Kebab Samples Test Positively For Cat Meat". At least one of those is still a mortal lock, but I must admit that my faith in mankind has been shaken. No wonder the vendors were calling these kebabs "Shanghai Surprise"! They weren't really, I'm just kidding, but wouldn't it have been funny if they were?

This Art Stinks

2006-01-06T10:56:00.000-05:00

Artists attacks Duchamps famous urinal - THE ARTS - MSNBC.com

"A 76-year-old performance artist was arrested after attacking Marcel Duchamp's "Fountain" -- a porcelain urinal -- with a hammer, police said.

Duchamp's 1917 piece -- an ordinary white, porcelain urinal that's been called one of the most influential works of modern art -- was slightly chipped in the attack at the Pompidou Center in Paris, the museum said Thursday. It was removed from the exhibit for repair.

A 2004 poll of 500 arts figures ranked "Fountain" as the most influential work of modern art -- ahead of Pablo Picasso's "Les Demoiselles d'Avignon," Andy Warhol's screen prints of Marilyn Monroe and "Guernica", Picasso's depiction of war's devastation."

What they don't mention here is coming in a very close fourth in the 2004 poll was "Porta John" by the little known southern artist Joe Bob Smith. When produced in the early 60's many critics called it "too derivative" of Marcel Duchamp's "Fountain", but the piece has since gained respect in the art world after being featured in multiple episodes of the seminal MTV comedy show, "Jackass".

Let the Battle Begin

2006-01-05T10:35:00.000-05:00

HD-DVD format war looms for consumers - Financial Times - MSNBC.com

"The launch of competing and incompatible high-definition DVD players leaves consumers facing another confusing and costly format war. Leading consumer electronics manufacturers including Toshiba, Pioneer, Philips, LG and Samsung used the annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, which formally begins on Thursday, to debut competing Blu-ray and HD-DVD format DVD players."

I'm so excited about these "Blu-ray" and "HD-DVD" technologies, not because of the promise that DVD's will now look much sharper and clearer, but because I've been dying to spend thousands of dollars to replace my current DVD players which work perfectly fine and all the DVD's in my collection. Nothing will thrill me more than to have to buy "Goodfellas" for a third time because first I bought the regular DVD, then not too long ago I bought the "Special Edition" with all the extras and now I can look forward to buying it again to get the "High Definition" version. I'll be repeating this scenario with a few other DVD's in my collection too. Not to mention all the seasons of TV shows I own which I'll have to replace at $30-$50 a pop. Since analysts predict that this technology war could be a battle similar to VHS and Betamax in the early days of video, if I happen to choose the wrong format, I could eventually be looking at doing this all over again when one format wins out. To top it all off, I'll have to replace my TV set eventually to meet the HDTV requirement which is set to go into effect in a few years. You gotta love it!

The Difference Between My Cat and This Cat

2006-01-02T17:55:00.000-05:00

Hero cat apparently dials 911 to help owner - Peculiar Postings - MS

"Police aren't sure how else to explain it. But when an officer walked into an apartment Thursday night to answer a 911 call, an orange-and-tan striped cat was lying by a telephone on the living room floor. The cat's owner, Gary Rosheisen, was on the ground near his bed having fallen out of his wheelchair. Rosheisen said his cat, Tommy, must have hit the right buttons to call 911."

This cat dials 911 and saves it's owner's life. My cat makes prank phone calls and has pizza sent to our neighbors. Yin and yang I guess.

Beach Front Real Estate

2006-01-02T17:53:00.000-05:00

BBC NEWS | UK | England | Dorset | Beach hut couples wait pays off

A retired couple have secured a lease on a beach hut after spending four nights sleeping in their car at the front of the queue. Alan Day, 70, and his wife, Valerie, 63, said it was "like winning the lottery".

The couple, who moved to the nearby Highcliffe area from London five years ago, have queued every year for a short-term hut and two years ago were "pipped at the post" for one of the long lets."

I've never heard this before in my life and I have no idea what it means, but "pipped at the post" is now my all-time favorite expression.

Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T00:15:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Why do they still make watch pockets on jeans? It was a great idea back in the 30's and 40's when guys were actually walking around with pocket watches, but I haven't seen someone use that little right front pocket as a watch pocket in a really long time. In fact, I've never seen it used this way. But you know what? That's my goal for 2006. I wanna bring the pocket watch/watch pocket back. I already have quite a few pairs of jeans so I'm halfway there (I buy my pants one pant at a time by the way, at a deep discount). I don't even know if pocket watches are still readily available in the major department stores, but I'm sure I can order one online at the very least. My theory is that people were happier and friendlier in the days of pocket watches. I really think the pocket watch can bring back some of the civility that's missing from mankind these days. If I accomplish my goal and the pocket watch really catches on this year as a viable timepiece, then I feel like I will have done my little part in making the world a better place for all. Happy New Year everyone, especially in Thailand (my wife's homeland) where it's already 2006!

I Wonder Why

2005-12-29T10:33:00.000-05:00

Isn't it funny that people cough in their sleep, but don't really sneeze in their sleep?

Thrown a Curve

2005-12-27T09:31:00.000-05:00

ESPN.com - MLB - Ex-pitcher Reardon charged with armed robbery

"Former major league pitcher Jeff Reardon was arrested Monday on charges he robbed a jewelry store."

If this doesn't prove that baseball players are underpaid, I don't know what does.

Well, They're Sure Not Gonna Believe It Now

2005-12-24T09:04:00.000-05:00

news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051222/ap_on_hi_te/high_tech_santa

"Santa Claus is going high-tech as more children and parents are able to reach the jolly old elf online.
"We can use this technology to our advantage and provide a much more believable experience for our kids," said Anne Gaskell, co-owner of SantaSpeaking.com."

Ixnay on the elievablebay! Geez! Ummmmm....hellooooo....kids are online too....you just blew it for them. Why don't you go kick a puppy while you're at it!

Not So Smart Afterall

2005-12-23T09:27:00.000-05:00

gizmag Article: Accentures intelligent mirror

"February 14, 2005 Accenture Laboritories is working on an intelligent mirror that analyses your behavioural patterns and can show you what you'll look like in five years time. The mirror is designed as a health-aid to assist people in visualising the long term outcomes of their behaviour and modify their behaviour accordingly."

Accenture calls this the "Intelligent Mirror", but if this mirror was so smart it wouldn't show women what they'll look like in five years, it would show them what they looked like five years prior otherwise this mirror is probably getting broken. Check out the picture though. What kind of hard lifestyle is this woman living that she's gonna go from the young, healthy, vibrant look on the left to the old, gray, witch look on the right in a mere five years?!? They really need to step up the technology because the "behavioral image" example shown here looks about as realistic as the makeup in the Gilligan's Island "Jack and the Beanstalk" episode where they tried to make Ginger look old and decrepit.

The Mysteries of the Universe Still In Question

2005-12-22T08:59:00.000-05:00

Studies question Mars water assumptions - Space.com - MSNBC.com

"The apparent discovery of ancient salty bodies of water on Mars by NASA's Opportunity rover last year is viewed as one of the most significant developments in planetary science.

But two new studies take a different view of the data.

Rather than abundant surface water over significant stretches of planet's history, as has been widely reported, Opportunity's observations might represent the results of a meteor impact or volcanic activity on an otherwise very dry world."

This is why science is such a waste of time and money. I'm speaking of all areas of science, by the way. It never seems to fail that after every "study" where some incredible results are announced by a research team, those results are then completely contradicted by another team researching the same thing. I think when a new study is started there must always be two groups assigned to it: the "Point" team and the "Counterpoint" team. It makes you wonder why we're even bothering at all. I propose that we end all scientific research immediately. Let's just take all that money we're wasting and feed the hungry or something. Then again, there would probably just be some group to come along with a theory as to why the starving don't really need food and we'd be back at square one.

Special Delivery

2005-12-20T09:35:00.000-05:00

EBay cancels plans to auction pets - Other Pet News - MSNBC.com

"Internet auctioneer eBay Inc. canceled plans to allow pets to be sold on its Web site after receiving thousands of angry letters."

I really don't see what the big deal is. Packaged properly an animal would do just fine through the mail. You'd probably wanna write fragile on the box and go with overnight delivery, but I really think they'd get there okay.

Just Hanging Around

2005-12-20T09:15:00.000-05:00

When humans and chimps split - LiveScience - MSNBC.com

"A new study of genes in humans and chimpanzees pins down with greater accuracy when the two species split from one.

The evolutionary divergence occurred between 5 million and 7 million years ago, an estimate that improves on the previous range of 3 million to 13 million years in the past."

Between 5 and 7 million years?? Yeah, that about nails it down give or take a million years. Geez, I can do that good! In fact, I'm gonna go on record as saying humans and chimps split from one exactly 6,521,768 years ago. I challenge someone to prove me wrong.

On a sidenote, this monkey looks like Luke Skywalker in "The Empire Strikes Back" hanging on at Cloud City after fighting with Darth Vader...right down to the missing hand.

Another thought...this monkey is reprising the Gene Kelly role in a new production of the musical "Singin' in the Rainforest".

They Are Among Us

2005-12-18T07:18:00.000-05:00

I can't say how I acquired this photo, as it is I'm taking a huge risk posting it, but I'm blowing the lid off once and for all on one of the U.S. government's top secret programs. Let me assure you that this photo has not been doctored in any way. Clearly the most compelling evidence yet that the Snow People are indeed among us!

Gotcha!

2005-12-14T12:18:00.000-05:00

It must stink to be an ant and not be able to read on these traps the words "Kills Ants".

Santa and Me!

2005-12-13T11:51:00.000-05:00

Santa and me!

"A celebration of those magical, misty days of childhood, when all was right with the world and a visit to see Santa was the highlight of a young kid's year! For most children, a trip to meet Santa Claus at the local department store or shopping mall, was/is both exciting and maybe even a little bit (or lot) scary, too. I'll chronicle it all here; the joy and awe, as well as the pure, unabashed terror!"

Great blog devoted to vintage Santa pictures! Very cool! If you don't go to this site, then you hate Santa. You don't hate Santa, do you???

A Bouncing Baby Boy Perhaps?

2005-12-13T11:50:00.000-05:00

Skydiver survives plunge, learns she's pregnant - U.S. Life - MSNBC.com

"Shayna Richardson was making her first solo skydiving jump when she had trouble with her parachutes and, while falling at about 50 mph, hit face first in a parking lot.

Although badly hurt, she survived -- and doctors treating her injuries discovered she was pregnant. Four surgeries and two months later, Richardson said she and the fetus are doing fine."

I may be a little naive about the ways of the world but I would have put slamming face first into asphalt at 50 mph far down on the list of ways a woman can get pregnant. Just goes to show you that even the best protection (in this case, a parachute) can fail from time to time.

The Free Delwin Fund

2005-12-13T09:50:00.000-05:00

The Daily Princetonian - Students raise funds for roommate sued by RIAA

"Delwin Olivan '08 might be luckier than the other 23 University students charged with music piracy by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) last spring -- his friends created a website and t-shirt line to defray the cost of his settlement.

Olivan stands accused of distributing songs via the file-sharing network i2hub, which closed in November following a cease and desist letter from the RIAA.

"These guys want $5,000 from him, and I get choked up thinking about it," roommate Sean Gleason '08 said. "His bank account doesn't have $5,000. He's not an old money Princeton student who gets a $5,000 monthly allowance."

Olivan and Gleason devised a novel way to lessen the financial burden on Olivan's mother -- the Free Delwin Fund."

It's quite fortunate that I stumbled upon this story because I really wanted to help the less fortunate this Christmas. I had been considering donating money to a homeless shelter or orphanage, but when I read this story my heart just broke for this kid. He's just a poor ivy leaguer trying to make his way through college and now he has this ridiculous bill to pay for illegally downloading music. Is he to be expected to tap into his trust fund to pay this?!? Merry Christmas Delwin Olivan. Who do I make the check out to?

Nanoparticles and You

2005-12-13T09:47:00.000-05:00

More research urged on nanoparticle risk - Science - MSNBC.com

"Scientists manipulating matter at the molecular level have improved on hundreds of everyday products in recent years and are promising dramatic breakthroughs in medicine and other industries as billions of dollars a year are pumped into the nascent sector.

But relatively little is known about the potential health and environmental effects of the tiny particles -- just atoms wide and small enough to easily penetrate cells in lungs, brains and other organs."

For the record, I was warning of the risk of nanoparticles years ago. I don't wanna say I told you so, but...

James Joyce's Dirty Little Secrets

2005-12-11T12:36:00.000-05:00

James Joyce dirty letters

"1909. James Joyce lives in Trieste (Italy) with his family. End of October, he leaves alone for Dublin on a business trip, and stays there until the end of December. He makes a pact with his wife to write to each other erotic letters. The letters of his wife disappeared, but the ones he wrote were published in 1975, the "dirty" letters of Joyce to her wife."

Probably the most grammatically correct dirty letters you'll ever read. Infinitely more interesting than the much overrated "Ulysses". The most shocking thing in these letters? The fact that the word "frigging" even existed back in 1909 (Joyce refers to his wife at one point as, "my little frigging mistress!"). Who friggin' knew?

Hard News

2005-12-11T12:24:00.000-05:00

thatvideosite.com :: Local news reporter gets tasered

Tasers or stun guns as a news subject ceased to be interesting about two years ago. We all know by now what they are and what they do. This fact still doesn't deter local news stations from beating a dead horse and coming at us with a seemingly endless amount of stories about how Tasers work. It's like explaining what the internet is. We get it already! Don't get me wrong though, I'm not complaining because as tired and stale as the subject matter is, it continues to produce comedic gold because the local reporter always wants to demonstrate how dedicated they are to "getting to the heart of the story" by getting tasered themselves. And nobody ever knows how to react to getting tasered. I present this video as exhibit A.

"Ahhhh!!!!!"

"Whoa! Hahaha....Wow....hahaha."

First Chair Kazoo Player

2005-12-09T09:22:00.000-05:00

Science & Technology at Scientific American.com: Secrets of the Stradivarius

"Joseph Nagyvary set the world of violinmaking afire in 1977 with his research into the legendary Stradivarius violins. The instruments made by Antonio Stradivari in the 17th and 18th century, along with other instruments made in the northern Italian city of Cremona, are widely recognized by violinists as superior to any made since. Controversially, Nagyvary suggested that the chemistry of the instruments is as--or more--important than their craftsmanship."

This reminds me of the work I did in 1989 in the field of Kazoos. People called me crazy when I stated that the material used to construct a Kazoo was as -or more- important than the talent of the person playing the instrument. Needless to say this declaration set the world of Kazoo making afire and directly led to the great Kazoo boon of the 1990's (admit it, you were playing one too). I'm pretty proud of this and you can be sure that I make mention of it at every job interview I go to. Can you believe the manager at McDonalds actually had the nerve to call it "irrelevant"?!?

They're Stealing All My Good Ideas!

2005-12-08T08:42:00.000-05:00

NASA seeks help from private rocketeers - The New Space Race - MSNBC.com

"With the space shuttles due to retire, NASA is looking for private companies interested in taking over the potentially lucrative business of flying cargo and crew to the international space station."

I'm really beginning to wonder now if someone from NASA isn't reading my blog because first I suggested that they cut foam out from the shuttle's construction and then they announced they were doing just that. Then I posed the possibility that maybe NASA didn't have enough rocket scientists (or dummies - see my Dec. 3rd review) and now they announce that they're looking for help from private rocketeering companies (thus, they need more rocket scientists). This is all working out so well that my next suggestion is going to be that they send me $25,000,000. I'm just gonna sit back and see if that happens. I'll keep you all posted.

All the Wrong Moves

2005-12-04T23:33:00.000-05:00

Arkansas man scales White House fence - U.S. Security - MSNBC.com

"A man from Arkansas scaled the fence surrounding the White House Sunday while President Bush was inside and was immediately captured by Secret Service officers."

It's so sad. Over five years later and Clinton still can't let it go. He's like the star high school athlete who misses his glory days so much that he keeps showing up at all the games years after he graduated and should have moved on.

Rocket Science

2005-12-03T11:59:00.000-05:00

Shuttle likely to fly without worrisome ramp - Space.com - MSNBC.com

"NASA is leaning toward flying its next space shuttle mission without the protective foam ramp that broke away from Discovery's external tank during its July return to flight, according to a spokesman for the U.S. space agency."

They're finally wising up. Maybe someone at NASA read my review from November 24th in which I recommended that they cut out foam altogether...but probably not. It doesn't take a genius to realize that a ramp made out of foam might not be the best idea. Maybe the problem with NASA is too many rocket scientists and not enough dummies...or vice versa.

Java Logs Save the Planet

2005-12-02T19:52:00.000-05:00

Product | Robustion Products Inc.

In this high-tech age, if you're still taking in your coffee the old-fashioned way (orally), you're so far behind the times that it's not even funny. It's all "Java Logs" now. They're logs for your fireplace made out of spent coffee grounds! I threw out my coffee maker long ago and had a fireplace put into my kitchen. In the morning I simply light up a log, take a couple of deep breaths and I'm wide awake and ready to face the day. Besides the great aroma, Java Logs are also cleaner burning than regular firewood. I was actually reluctant to get a fireplace for many years because anytime I considered it, the big question in my mind was, "What about all the creosote and particulate matter?". Until now I never had a satisfying solution that allayed my fears about the impact of fire (which is a relatively new invention) on our environment. Java Products Corporation has it all figured out. Check out these statistics on their logs:

* 96% less residue after combustion
* 85% less carbon monoxide
* 86% less creosote deposits
* 31% less particulate matter

Another benefit that I'm not even sure Java Products Corporation had anticipated with this amazing invention is that when you burn Java Logs, a warmth is emitted which is quite comfortable when you're really cold. My only complaint is that they don't offer decaf logs and as a result I'm hopped up on fire all day and find it really hard to calm down at the end of the night. Once they expand their product line I'm sure they'll address that niche in the marketplace and then I'll be in Java heaven. Thank you Java Products Corporation!

Smarter Than The Average Monkey

2005-12-02T18:19:00.000-05:00

timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,11069-1899977,00.html

"Two former caretakers who refused to bare their breasts to a 300lb (136kg) sign language-speaking gorilla named Koko have settled a lawsuit against the Gorilla Foundation. Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller said that they were dismissed after they refused to expose their bosoms and reported sanitary problems at Koko's home in Woodside, south of San Francisco. They were told that if they "did not indulge Koko's nipple fetish, their employment with the Gorilla Foundation would suffer", their claim alleged."

When you see "Koko" (an obvious imposter), the real motive behind this supposed "nipple fetish" becomes all too clear. (To be honest, I'm just jealous that this guy had more follow-through than I did to try a stunt like this.)

Bee Ess

2005-11-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

Guardian Unlimited | Science | Secret of bees flight revealed

"The flight of the humble bee was once so baffling that mathematicians famously concluded it was impossible. But using high-speed cameras and a scale model robot scientists have at last worked out the secret that helps bees stay aloft."

And someone is actually financing this pointless "research". Can you bee-lieve it?!?!

Everybody's Doing It

2005-11-28T10:48:00.000-05:00

Cybercrime said more profitable than drugs - Security - MSNBC.com

"Global cybercrime generated a higher turnover than drug trafficking in 2004 and is set to grow even further with the wider use of technology in developing countries, a top expert said on Monday.

No country is immune from cybercrime, which includes corporate espionage, child pornography, stock manipulation, extortion and piracy, said Valerie McNiven, who advises the U.S. Treasury on cybercrime."

What a pain! I'm currently in the process of switching my entire cartel's operations over to cybercrime and it's been nothing but headaches so far. I'm not the most technically-minded guy in the world and the transition has proven difficult and very costly (I spent a fortune on new letterhead, alone). Plus, we had needed to upgrade our computers for a while anyway, so I had to shell out a good amount of cash on that just to get going.

I wanted to start small with a few online transactions to get my feet wet and that's been a major bust since eBay keeps shutting down my drug auctions (hey, I've got all this stuff left and I'm trying to get rid of it!). Apparently drugs are on their list of "banned items". I tried skirting that rule by referring to them as "pixie sticks", but they still shut the auctions down. I guess I shouldn't have included pictures. Lesson learned anyway.

I think I'm gonna try my hand at corporate espionage next. I'm not really sure where to start. I'm thinking of taking some business classes to get a better understanding of what I'm doing. I've been told that if I'm gonna be dealing with corporations I might want to buy a suit as well (I usually go casual). I had no idea moving over to high tech crime was gonna be so difficult, but I'm already commited to it so there's no turning back now.

Great Gift Idea

2005-11-27T11:16:00.000-05:00

Treehugger: New Solar Bags from Voltaic

" ... config of 3 solar panels, giving 4 watts of charging grunt, suited to refueling your mobile phone (digital or satellite), PDA, GPS, iPod and even digicam. Alas notebook computer batteries are too demanding at this time. 11 adaptors come with each bag to connect to most of the above gizmos. If the sun don't shine, you can always use the included AC or car DC charger to fill the bags' Li-ion battery. All bags sell for $229."

For that hard to shop for terrorist on your list!

The Classics

2005-11-26T17:54:00.000-05:00

American Icon...American Collectible...The Classic SUNBEAMMIXMASTER

"American Icon ... American Collectible ...The Classic Sunbeam Mixmaster. Herewith, a humble tribute to an immortal slice of Americana...or, to a humble but immortal member of Grandma's kitchen. Whichever you prefer, come meet once again...THE MOST FAMOUS AMERICAN APPLIANCE OF THE 20th CENTURY."

Sure, the Sunbeam Mixmaster is a classic, but to call it the "most famous appliance of the 20th century", might be a stretch. Ever hear of a little appliance called the "oven"...

I'll bet that one was pretty popular over Thanksgiving.

Or how about something I like to call a "blender"...

It only spawned the greatest joke in playground history. I'm speaking of course of the classic, "What's green and red and spins 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender."

And oh, I don't know, what about a magical kitchen creation you may be familiar with called the Mr. Peanut Peanut Butter Maker!?!

I rest my case.

An Old Standby

2005-11-26T11:56:00.000-05:00

Nine inmates break out of Wash. jail; 5 caught - Crime & Punishment - MSNBC.com

"Nine maximum security inmates escaped from a county jail Friday by climbing down a rope made of bed sheets, authorities said."

I hate to say it folks, but this is the best we have. These guys escaped from a "maximum security" prison. It doesn't get any better than that. When people commit the most heinous of crimes, this is where we send them. I think for the most part we as a society have a good corrections system, most inmates stay where they belong - behind bars. It's that very small minority of geniuses that think to tie the bed sheets together that seem to give us trouble.

It is nice to see though that the old "bed sheets tied together" trick still works. If I ever get thrown in jail, this will be my escape plan of choice. It's a wonder actually that inmates are still allowed to have bed sheets considering that they're always either using them for escaping or for hanging themselves.

I'll Huff and I'll Puff

2005-11-25T12:02:00.000-05:00

Reno Man Accused of $200,000 Legos Theft - Yahoo! News

"Agents had to use a 20-foot truck to cart away the evidence from a suspect's house -- mountains of Lego bricks.

William Swanberg, 40, of Reno, Nev., is accused of stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of the colorful plastic building blocks."

Maybe this guy's the lesser known fourth pig who planned to build his house out of lego?

Enough Already!

2005-11-24T18:07:00.000-05:00

Castro criticizes Cuban defectors in MLB - Baseball - MSNBC.com

"During a five-hour appearance on state television Wednesday, Castro remarked on those players who cannot resist the millions of the major leagues and acknowledged that baseball is the sport in which we have been beaten the most when it comes to defections."

Five hours?!?! Only a dictator with an ego the size of Cuba would think people would wanna listen to them for five flippin' hours straight!

NASA's Three Ring Circus

2005-11-24T01:05:00.000-05:00

NASA finds cracks in shuttle fuel tank foam - Space.com - MSNBC.com

Engineers investigating a debris shedding problem with NASA's shuttle fuel tanks have found a series of hairline cracks in the same area where foam popped free during the July launch of the Discovery orbiter, agency officials said Tuesday.

A total of nine cracks -- only two of them visible on the surface -- were detected along a protective foam ramp on NASA's External Tank 120 (ET-120), one of several under scrutiny at the agency's Michoud Assembly Facility in New Orleans, tank officials said during a briefing at Johnson Space Center in Houston.

"We're still trying to figure out what this means," said NASA's John Chapman, external tank project manager at Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Ala. "I wouldn't consider that a eureka [moment] or smoking gun at all."

I have a few suggestions on how NASA can improve their operations. First of all, whatever they're making all those Mars probes out of, make the manned space shuttles out of the same materials. I mean, these things whiz through space for years, travelling 35 million miles, then manage to successfully land on Mars and release their roving cameras which ultimately take some pretty incredible pictures. They're clearly built to last.

My next suggestion is to just stop making stuff out of foam. Maybe NASA hasn't gotten the message, but It doesn't work. I had my share of Nerf footballs as a kid and I can tell you from personal experience that they don't last for longer than a season. That's just from normal kid-style usage, not even subjecting them to re-entry into earth's atmosphere.

Also, and this is more of a suggestion regarding decorum, when you do manage to successfully shoot a bunch of people off into space without incident, don't freak out like you just won the Super Bowl! Show a little class and act like you've been there before for God's sake. I mean, all the hootin' and hollerin' that goes on at "Mission Control" doesn't exactly give one the impression that you actually expected it to work.

Lastly, I'd just like to say directly to NASA, when humans are involved in the missions you probably should try extra hard to get it right. We have enough movies about astronauts getting killed, stranded and attacked by aliens. I know you probably can't do anything about the aliens, but I'm sure you can improve in the other areas because frankly Hollywood has plenty of ideas already and doesn't need your mistakes to further inspire them.

National Vanguard Hates Yoda

2005-11-23T13:50:00.000-05:00

National Vanguard

Let me say from the start that I have absolutely no experience in the field of hatemongering, but I'm willing to give it the old college try. I understand that there are monthly "dues" involved and I'm fine with that, but I'm a little curious as to what I'd get for that money. I'm hoping a portion of it buys me into National Vanguard's health plan or something useful. Anyway, I clicked the little "What Is National Vanguard?" button and saw this:

National Vanguard is what you've been looking for: an intelligent and responsible organization that stands up for the interests of White people.

Apparently I've been looking for National Vanguard and didn't even know it. I am a white person though, so having them "stand up" for me doesn't sound like such a bad deal. I mean, I suppose it's time majorities had a voice, we've had it good for too long...I wanna have it great! After perusing their website extensively, I'm still having trouble figuring out exactly what National Vanguard does. I'll tell you what would really be helpful though - if National Vanguard could find me an honest mechanic. Here's a bit of info I did find useful though:

Mentoring: New members will be provided with a mentor, an experienced member well versed in the ideology of the organization, who will serve as the new member's point of contact with National Vanguard.

Now this part I like! I imagine it would be like having your own private Yoda, except instead of really useful advice he would spew hatred and bigotry, for example:

"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to...happiness."

Of course, Yoda isn't white so unfortunately, he would have no place in National Vanguard. It's just an example. On second thought, I'm not sure I wanna be a member of a club that won't have Yoda as a member. I'm gonna have to give this a little more thought. Maybe hatemongering isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Tough Break

2005-11-21T12:16:00.000-05:00

ESPN.com - NBA - Report: Suns Barbosa out 1-3 weeks after Ginobili flop

Phoenix Suns guard Leandro Barbosa could miss up to three weeks with an injury to his left knee. Barbosa has a Grade 2 sprain of the medial collateral ligament but could return in one to three weeks, the Arizona Republic reported.

"Ginobili always likes to flop," Barbosa told The Arizona Republic. "Nobody even touched him.

"He just flopped. That's why I feel sad to hurt myself like that," he added. "I wish I could have hurt myself in another way."

I've seen the replay and I've gotta say I haven't seen a flop that bad since "Pearl Harbor". I agree with Barbosa though, it would have been a lot better if he could have hurt himself another way. For example, straining your back lifting something heavy is pretty admirable. A paper cut on your tongue from licking envelopes, while volunteering at an animal shelter is another good one. The ultimate "good" injury? Third degree burns suffered while saving a baby from a burning apartment building, of course.

FYI

2005-11-18T09:24:00.000-05:00

Earths core spinning faster than its crust - Science - MSNBC.com

"The giant iron ball at the center of the Earth appears to be spinning a bit faster than the rest of the planet. The solid core that measures about 1,500 miles in diameter is spinning about one-quarter to one-half degree faster, per year, than the rest of the world, scientists from Columbia University's Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign report in Friday's issue of the journal Science."

This is basically a "thought you'd like to know" situation, isn't it? Whether it's supposed to be spinning faster or not, there isn't really much we can do about it. My only question is, this isn't gonna send us back in time eventually or anything, right? The article doesn't mention the various time travel scenarios that may result from the earth's core spinning faster than its crust. I really don't wanna wake up one day and everyone's got feathered hair and bell bottoms on and I'm the only idiot looking like I just came from the future. Talk about awkward!

Make Lemonade

2005-11-16T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ananova - Village drops Old Smelly name

"A Serbian village has changed its name from Old Smelly to stop embarrassed youngsters from moving out. Smrdic, meaning Old Smelly, was changed to Izvor, meaning Spring, after villagers petitioned the government. They wanted to change the village's name which dates back hundreds of years to a legend about a dead horse."

Here's a t-shirt idea that could have meant big revenue for the town if they had only gotten a little creative: