Calling Doctor Love

Remember back during the first Gulf War when Israel was so afraid of getting hit with a biological weapon from Saddam Hussein that they were passing gas masks out in the streets? Fortunately they never actually needed them, but that would seem an entirely proper use for a gas mask. These days, gas masks aren't just for genocide anymore. Nope. Gas masks have now moved into the realm of fetish accessory. Don't believe me? Check out a website called Rate My Gas Mask and see for yourself (though I must warn you that some of the gas masks are wearing naked women). It seems these days many things fall under the fetish umbrella. You name it, there's someone turning it into a sexual fantasy. Once upon a time the classic nurses outfit was all the spicing up a bedroom needed. Now that's just the tip of the iceberg. For example, when did we reach the decision that forceps should be added to the mix? Or sterilized gauze? And under NO circumstances whatsoever should it be necessary to introduce an I.V. Stand to the proceedings! If any of those items actually are required at any point before, during or after lovemaking, you're doing something terribly wrong. If this is what you and your partner are up to, maybe you should look into renting a room in the local I.C.U. But it's not just the medical supplies companies cashing in on this trend. Did you know that there are roughly seven hundred million clothespins produced in the United States each year (my own estimate after an informal count)? Do you know how many of those are used by fetishists? All of them. Now, if you still do your laundry the old-fashioned way, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking you only use your clothespins for hanging laundry and nothing else. Well, if you hang under garments, I think that pretty much qualifies as a fetish these days. At this point you're probably wondering whatever happened to harmless old fetishes like foot fetish, spanking and even lingerie. Sadly, they're going the way of the vinyl record and Atari. They're old news nowadays. In this high-tech digital age we live in, people are looking for new thrills. There is a bit of good news for the old school fetishist though. Mummification seems to be making a comeback. We're not even talking old school, we're talk ancient school! I know you may be a little reluctant to try this, but if it was good enough for your ancestors 4,000 years ago, it's good enough for you now (of course, this assumes that everyone reading this is of Egyptian lineage, but you get my point). In closing, let me just throw out a few ideas for new fetishes that I think could be big one day: * Scrolling Sports Ticker Fetish - Can easily be added to any headboard. Guaranteed to keep a man's interest. * File Cabinet Fetish - For work and play. * Mortar and Pestle Fetish - I'm sure something could be figured out to do with this, but really I just wanted to say "Mortar and Pestle Fetish" * Mouse Fetish - I'm talking computers, of course. This would give the term "scroll button" an entirely new meaning (I have no idea what that means, but work with me here) * Fencing Fetish - A new twist on playing "dressup". Plus, a little jousting never hurt anyone. En guard! * Texas Hold 'Em Fetish - It's already sweeping the nation, so this just seems like a natural if you ask me. Just add some "stripping" and you've got yourself a fetish.