A Little Less Conversation

Have you ever been out and run into someone that you didn't really care to see, much less talk to, but your best attempts to avoid them failed and suddenly you found yourself knee-deep in the middle of a conversation? I'm speaking from experience when I say that it can prove quite difficult to extricate oneself from these encounters. For some odd reason, these people are always loud and very animated. They usually grab your arm a lot too in the "you're not going anywhere" vice grip. No amount of looking at your watch can deter them. They're in it for the long haul, and consequently, so are you.

This problem isn't always limited to unintentional encounters either. Sometimes a well-meaning relative can keep you held hostage for hours on end. You can say "I'm going to have to be going soon" all you want, but this only translates in their minds to "One more hour". If you try the old stand up and stretch technique they'll start breaking out the refreshments faster than you can say cherry flavored Kool-aid. And if you do manage to make a break for the door, the awkwardness of the abrupt goodbye is almost enough to make you sit back down for another story about how "Timmy" made the finals of the school spelling bee. I've come to realize that this is more of a modern day dilemma. Fortunately, I have an old-time solution.

It's actually true that back in the early to middle 1900's this problem was completely non-existent. When someone needed to end a conversation or a visit, they would do so with absolute style and grace and the people they were leaving accepted it good-naturedly. Watch any old movie from those days and it's plain to see that they simply used the "right" words.

Think about this - if you met up with someone at, say, Hooters and suddenly in the middle of your conversation they were to say, "Sorry old chap, but I must take my leave now", what would your reaction be? Beyond the fact that it's the 2000's and you're in a Hooters restaurant and someone just used a phrase from the 1920's (or thereabout), you would more than likely be totally accepting of their need to get away from you immediately. Based on that, the solution is as obvious as Becher's "Phlogiston Theory of Combustion" - everyone must go back to talking like people did in the first half of the 20th century. It's the only way to solve this problem.

Now I know a lot of you are wondering how this might affect your day to day conversations, in particular your ability to curse, and to that I must say that all cursing would be out. They didn't have those words back then and their use would be too jarring in a world full of such eloquent speech. If you're still on the fence about this concept, I ask that you simply try it the next time you find yourself talking to someone you would rather not be talking to. I guarantee if you drop an "I would love to continue this conversation my dear, but there is a small matter of great importance I must attend to", you will know a freedom unknown to man in many a year. And that alone is worth any sacrifice.