My New Cell Phone Plan

How many years has it been talked about and they still can't decide if cell phones cause cancer or not? I saw a recent report about it on the news and as usual one study found that they do and another found that they don't. So which is it? We may never know, but I have an idea that should at least double the time it takes to get cancer from a cell phone. I'm gonna start alternating the ear I hold the phone to - right, left, right left. Most people use the same ear predominantly so this way the gamma rays or whatever is in a phone (admittedly, I'm no scientist) are hitting each side less frequently, thus at the very least I'd be slowing down the cancerization. I figure switching ears once per sentence should about do it. I understand that cell phones also cause car accidents so I'm gonna apply the same theory to that by alternating my driving on the right and left sides of the road every couple of minutes. I hope it works!