A New Innovation For the Embarrasing Drunkard In Your Family

gizmag Article: Alcohol without liquid (or a hangover)


This new idea of alcohol without the liquid (AWOL, as they call it) is interesting, though flawed. Instead of drinking the alcohol, you simply inhale it, which somehow results in no hangover the following day. Don't worry, you can continue to make embarrassing passes at your girlfriend's sister (or whatever), because you'll still get higher than a kite - that much won't change. Unfortunately though, I foresee problems with this that the inventers most likely never imagined.

First of all, we won't be able to use the term "drunk" anymore. We could say someone is "inhaled" but that conjures up a bit of a weird image. For example: "Man, I was so inhaled last night that I woke up this morning in the bed of a pickup truck three states away!" It just doesn't work. We could say "sniffed", but that's probably no better than inhaled when you get right down to it. Example: "I pulled you over because you were weaving in and out of traffic. Have you had anything to sniff tonight?" Not so great. The entire alcohol vernacular would have to change.

Also, providing liquor for your parties would more than likely be problematic with these unwieldy and expensive units. And let's face it, it's just not going to be real cool when someone shows up and you say, "Hey Bob! Great to see you! Can I get you a mask?" Not to mention that if your friend translates this to mean, "Lets cover up that ugly mug of yours fast!", the result could be a punch in the nose for you.

Finally, let's put two and two together here. If, as they say, the alcohol vapor is being mixed with oxygen, you know it's just a matter of time before guys start getting "air bellies" from too much inhalation. I think it's clear that this is an idea that needs a little more planning before being unleashed on the masses.

On the other hand, I happen to have an invention that's ready NOW. It's the beer IV, or the BIV®, if you will. Just hook it up to any vein and let the party begin. I maintain that people will continue to prefer ingesting liquid (via oral intake or IV) to vapor for quite some time and this seems to fit the bill. Your conversation need never be interrupted by "drinking" again. Unlike AWOL, BIV® is a straight 100% beer solution (absolutely NO oxygen!). And best yet, BIV® is completely portable, just hang it onto one of those metal IV holders and wheel it around with you anywhere. Alcohol has never been so much fun!


On a side note, if your company is interested in advertising on my IV bags let me know and we'll see what we can work out. Keep in mind that when people are drunk, they're liable to buy anything!