In the Grand Tradition of...

IN THE GRAND TRADITION OF EPIC RAMBLING!
There are some who may recall that in 1998 Leonardo DiCaprio starred in a movie called "The Man In the Iron Mask". I'm one of those some who recalls it. I must admit that I have never seen this movie and actually know very little about it. There is one thing I know all too well though - this movie was in the grand tradition of epic adventure. Some of you may be wondering how I know this. Others may be wondering why they're still reading this. I can only answer the first question. You'll have to do some serious soul searching for the answer to the second one.

My one lasting memory relating to the release of this film is the TV trailer in which the voiceover proclaims the movie to be "In the grand tradition of epic adventure!". It was quite effective because it was spoken in that deep, raspy, official sounding narrater voice. Apparently there are only two guys working in Hollywood doing these spots, because it's usually either this guy with the deep, raspy voice or the guy with the vaguely Swedish (possibly) accent who's always doing voiceovers for movies that end with the line - "A Mimi Leder Film". Now, I'm not sure if the adventure in "The Man In the Iron Mask" was truly "epic" or even in the "grand tradition" of anything, but when a line sticks with you so many years after the fact, you've got to believe someone did their job right. And while I can't recommend this film (I make it a practice to never recommend a movie without seeing it first), I can say with complete sincerity that I highly recommend it's ad campaign.

The point I'm trying to make is, it's such a singularly great line that I wish it could be used more often and not just for adventure films. It could be applied to just about anything really. Websites? Sure. For example: eBay - "In the grand tradition of wasting your paycheck!". Or Google - "In the grand tradition of searching for porn!". What about music? Celine Dion - "In the grand tradition of giving you a headache!". Even medicine, for that matter! Tylenol - "In the grand tradition of ridding you of your Celine Dion induced headache!". You get the idea.

Of course, there are some things that just don't deserve a cool narrative line. A prime example of this is terrorists. When you kill innocent people indiscriminately, you forfeit your right to a great voiceover. I think most right-thinking people would agree that, "In the grand tradition of waging jihad!" just doesn't sound right. Another good example is coronary blockage. "In the grand tradition of massive heart attacks!" is just a total misuse of narration, if you ask me (I don't want to offend any coronary blockage apologists who might read this).

In closing, I believe it was Friedrich Nietzsche who, "In the grand tradition of epic pontification!", said:

"On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow."

I have no idea what that means, but "In the grand tradition of epic humility!", I couldn't have said it better myself.