Thursday, June 30, 2005

That's a Riot!

The RIOT Wheel - Single-Wheeled Vehicle

Sure, the wheel is unique and unusual but it's clearly doomed to catastrophe. How do I know? Notice the grim reaper riding along in the upper right. He may have abandoned his usual black garb for a more climate appropriate outfit, but that face is unmistakable. Poor fella.

Rest In Peace

Ananova - Crazy coffins exhibition opens

There's definitely not a more dignified way to go out than to be carted off to your final resting place in a huge sports bag. Everyone can wear their best jogging outfits to your funeral and hang old sweaty socks around the place in lieu of flowers.

What's The Point Then?

Church of Satan: The Official Web Site

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I noticed that the founder of the Church of Satan was only 67 when he died. So I guess it's safe to assume that the whole "selling your soul to satan in exchange for immortality" thing is out then.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Whatever You Do, Keep Calm!


"An ornamental lamp that detects and "echos" your own heartbeat in realtime."

If you have high blood pressure, you better plan on having a decent supply of light bulbs on hand, because you gotta figure you'll be blowing those suckers out like crazy.

I'm With The Band - Stick Enterprises Inc.

This thing actually sounds pretty cool, so as a music lover I can appreciate it. But if you're the "Stick" player in your band, let's face it, you're getting NO chicks. Even the bass player is gonna rate ahead of you.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Get It Off Your Chest

group hug // anonymous online confessions

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I know this site has been all over the internet but I just had to mention it, if for no other reason because of this confession alone:

"i want to make you pancakes. you mentioned waffles in addition to hotcakes and i am seriously considering the matter." --- Anonymous

That's just about the funniest thing I've ever read. Seriously.


International Talk Like A Pirate Day

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As an actual pirate, I must say this offends me greatly. "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" only perpetuates the tired, old stereotypes that people have about us. We've heard it all before..."Arrrr!", "Avast ye mateys!", "I'm gonna keelhaul me some landlubber!"...ha ha...very funny. The truth is, most of my shipmates are college graduates with vast vocabularies, yet we are still looked upon as rum-drinking second class citizens (especially by the town constables). When cut by a rapier, do we not bleed? All we ask is that we be allowed to pillage and plunder on the high seas without being made the butt of some ridiculous joke. Is that too much to ask? As a people, have we learned nothing?

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Robot Or Not...

Photo in the News: Ultra-Lifelike Robot Debuts in Japan

In the above picture, she's a robot and he's her creator (You know UPN is all over this idea!). It's obvious that this guy is trying to look "scientific" (what with the hand on the chin and all), but you know all he's really thinking about is how many shots of oil it's gonna take to get her into bed.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Words To Live By

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"It ain't no fun when a guy be high-steppin' against you. It only fun when he high-steppin' with you." --- Deion Sanders

Staring Contest - Virtual Staring Contest

If you gaze into her eyes you'll turn into stone. (And by "stone", I mean world-renowned superstar actress, Sharon Stone).


The Color Television Revolution

My grandfather actually fought in the Color Television Revolution. War is heck.

Problem Solved

Archie McPhee& Toys, Gifts & Novelties

Bacon bandages. Finally I can stop covering my wounds with actual bacon!

Hat Hair


These people have come up with some of the most uniquely useless products I've ever seen.

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Hats made out of 100% human hair.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Invisible Library

Great resource! This book's my favorite!

Imagine This

Imaginery Girlfriend

Sure, it's a funny idea, but I promise one thing. If you're paying for an imaginary girlfriend, nobody, I repeat NOBODY, is gonna believe you got this:

Or this:

And probably even this:

BUT, if you show your friends and family one of these pics and tell them you met the girl online, I guarantee they will be SURE that what you really got is this:

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Is it worth it for $50 every two months???

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Super Glued To Death - News - Man Dies After Sealing Mouth, Nose With Super Glue

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Not to make too light of it, but you gotta feel for the family when the death certificate reads: Cause of Death - Super Glue.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Just What I Was Looking For!

The Spudgun Technology Center - Your Source for Spudgun Parts, information

"Specializing in pneumatic and combustion-based launchers of ALL types, styles, sizes, and feature levels."

Finally! I can't tell you how long I've been looking for a pneumatic launcher!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Underwater Death Star?

Underwater Habitats - Trilobis 65 Floating Home

On the surface, this seems like a cool idea, but count me out. They've convienently not mentioned the fact that the core of this sub is totally vulnerable to a well-placed cannon blast from an X-Wing.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Accoutrements: Say It, It's Fun!

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Have you ever read or thought of a word and in a moment of total clarity realised how incredibly ridiculous that word is? This happens to me from time to time. In fact, it happened to me just two days ago. Here is the word in all its glory:


Has there ever been a more pompous word? It truly seems to revel in its pompousity. Just look at it! All french and junk. Where does it get off!?! And I'm not even going to get into the nerve it has for having TWO versions of itself (yes, there is another!).

But I must admit to something. I actually enjoy saying the word. Doubly so when I throw a french accent onto it. In fact, now that I've mentioned it, I would say I'm fairly sure (dare I say certain) that you will be thinking about this word for quite some time now too. My advice: don't fight it.

I've come to accept my love/hate relationship with the word ACCOUTREMENTS and there's no reason why you can't enjoy saying it as well, while also despising everything it stands for. I challenge you to work this word into every conversation you have because it can be quite difficult to do (yet also very rewarding when done seamlessly). I'll give you a simple sentence to start you off:

"We can't cook out today without the proper ACCOUTREMENTS."


Some of you may actually be planning to have a barbecue in the near future, if so feel free to use this. But please, whatever you do, don't limit your use of the word to outdoor feasts. There are so many more possibilites waiting to be discovered. Just say the word ACCOUTREMENTS and I promise that you will feel a vitality you haven't felt in a very long time...



Wednesday, June 15, 2005

This Is a Raid!

144 arrested in Tennessee cockfighting raid - Crime & Punishment -

"David Webb, a gamecock owner from Rhea County, said he lost more than 20 chickens valued at $150 each during the raid. "I've been around this stuff all my life. Everything I've ever known is a chicken fight," he said.

HE feels bad??? I just found out my tickets are non-refundable!

Monday, June 13, 2005

There's a Sale at the Fasion Boutique!

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Someone has finally done it! There is now a blog devoted to vintage mall pictures from the 60's and 70's. It's called "Malls of America" and it's totally retro cool. Check it out and let the coolness enter your vertebrate.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Old Haunts

Old Haunts
"old photographs of Halloweens long past. Faded, out-of-focus snapshots. Far away memories of the chilly Autumns of our childhoods. Turn of the Century, to the '60s & '70s."

Excellent new blog! In the picture above, I'm the kid on the left with the Moe Howard bowl cut, btw. Great memories!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Support Your Local Beard

World Beard and Moustache Championships

This is gonna be exciting! I'm the third alternate on the U.S. team this year (men's division). I probably won't get in the actual competition unless any of the guys ahead of me happen to meet with an unfortunate scissors "accident" (just kidding!). Thanks so much to our sponsor, Schick, for the great jerseys, but I beg of you to stop sending the free razor's psyching us out! To all beard fans, please come on out and support your local beard. As always, autographs will be free of charge. U-S-A!! U-S-A!!!

UPDATE: Unfortunately, I just found out I've been kicked off the team for failing my steroid test. Apparently they were in my doctor prescribed inhaler which I use due to my hair allergy. I vow that this won't kill my dream. The beard community hasn't heard the last of me!