Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Bee Ess

Guardian Unlimited | Science | Secret of bees flight revealed

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"The flight of the humble bee was once so baffling that mathematicians famously concluded it was impossible. But using high-speed cameras and a scale model robot scientists have at last worked out the secret that helps bees stay aloft."

And someone is actually financing this pointless "research". Can you bee-lieve it?!?!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Everybody's Doing It

Cybercrime said more profitable than drugs - Security -

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"Global cybercrime generated a higher turnover than drug trafficking in 2004 and is set to grow even further with the wider use of technology in developing countries, a top expert said on Monday.

No country is immune from cybercrime, which includes corporate espionage, child pornography, stock manipulation, extortion and piracy, said Valerie McNiven, who advises the U.S. Treasury on cybercrime."

What a pain! I'm currently in the process of switching my entire cartel's operations over to cybercrime and it's been nothing but headaches so far. I'm not the most technically-minded guy in the world and the transition has proven difficult and very costly (I spent a fortune on new letterhead, alone). Plus, we had needed to upgrade our computers for a while anyway, so I had to shell out a good amount of cash on that just to get going.

I wanted to start small with a few online transactions to get my feet wet and that's been a major bust since eBay keeps shutting down my drug auctions (hey, I've got all this stuff left and I'm trying to get rid of it!). Apparently drugs are on their list of "banned items". I tried skirting that rule by referring to them as "pixie sticks", but they still shut the auctions down. I guess I shouldn't have included pictures. Lesson learned anyway.

I think I'm gonna try my hand at corporate espionage next. I'm not really sure where to start. I'm thinking of taking some business classes to get a better understanding of what I'm doing. I've been told that if I'm gonna be dealing with corporations I might want to buy a suit as well (I usually go casual). I had no idea moving over to high tech crime was gonna be so difficult, but I'm already commited to it so there's no turning back now.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Great Gift Idea

Treehugger: New Solar Bags from Voltaic

" ... config of 3 solar panels, giving 4 watts of charging grunt, suited to refueling your mobile phone (digital or satellite), PDA, GPS, iPod and even digicam. Alas notebook computer batteries are too demanding at this time. 11 adaptors come with each bag to connect to most of the above gizmos. If the sun don't shine, you can always use the included AC or car DC charger to fill the bags' Li-ion battery. All bags sell for $229."

For that hard to shop for terrorist on your list!

Saturday, November 26, 2005

The Classics

American Icon...American Collectible...The Classic SUNBEAMMIXMASTER

"American Icon ... American Collectible ...The Classic Sunbeam Mixmaster. Herewith, a humble tribute to an immortal slice of Americana...or, to a humble but immortal member of Grandma's kitchen. Whichever you prefer, come meet once again...THE MOST FAMOUS AMERICAN APPLIANCE OF THE 20th CENTURY."

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Sure, the Sunbeam Mixmaster is a classic, but to call it the "most famous appliance of the 20th century", might be a stretch. Ever hear of a little appliance called the "oven"...

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I'll bet that one was pretty popular over Thanksgiving.

Or how about something I like to call a "blender"...

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It only spawned the greatest joke in playground history. I'm speaking of course of the classic, "What's green and red and spins 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender."

And oh, I don't know, what about a magical kitchen creation you may be familiar with called the Mr. Peanut Peanut Butter Maker!?!

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I rest my case.

An Old Standby

Nine inmates break out of Wash. jail; 5 caught - Crime & Punishment -

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"Nine maximum security inmates escaped from a county jail Friday by climbing down a rope made of bed sheets, authorities said."

I hate to say it folks, but this is the best we have. These guys escaped from a "maximum security" prison. It doesn't get any better than that. When people commit the most heinous of crimes, this is where we send them. I think for the most part we as a society have a good corrections system, most inmates stay where they belong - behind bars. It's that very small minority of geniuses that think to tie the bed sheets together that seem to give us trouble.

It is nice to see though that the old "bed sheets tied together" trick still works. If I ever get thrown in jail, this will be my escape plan of choice. It's a wonder actually that inmates are still allowed to have bed sheets considering that they're always either using them for escaping or for hanging themselves.

Friday, November 25, 2005

I'll Huff and I'll Puff

Reno Man Accused of $200,000 Legos Theft - Yahoo! News

"Agents had to use a 20-foot truck to cart away the evidence from a suspect's house -- mountains of Lego bricks.

William Swanberg, 40, of Reno, Nev., is accused of stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of the colorful plastic building blocks."

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Maybe this guy's the lesser known fourth pig who planned to build his house out of lego?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Enough Already!

Castro criticizes Cuban defectors in MLB - Baseball -

"During a five-hour appearance on state television Wednesday, Castro remarked on those players who cannot resist the millions of the major leagues and acknowledged that baseball is the sport in which we have been beaten the most when it comes to defections."

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Five hours?!?! Only a dictator with an ego the size of Cuba would think people would wanna listen to them for five flippin' hours straight!

NASA's Three Ring Circus

NASA finds cracks in shuttle fuel tank foam - -

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Engineers investigating a debris shedding problem with NASA's shuttle fuel tanks have found a series of hairline cracks in the same area where foam popped free during the July launch of the Discovery orbiter, agency officials said Tuesday.

A total of nine cracks -- only two of them visible on the surface -- were detected along a protective foam ramp on NASA's External Tank 120 (ET-120), one of several under scrutiny at the agency's Michoud Assembly Facility in New Orleans, tank officials said during a briefing at Johnson Space Center in Houston.

"We're still trying to figure out what this means," said NASA's John Chapman, external tank project manager at Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Ala. "I wouldn't consider that a eureka [moment] or smoking gun at all."

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I have a few suggestions on how NASA can improve their operations. First of all, whatever they're making all those Mars probes out of, make the manned space shuttles out of the same materials. I mean, these things whiz through space for years, travelling 35 million miles, then manage to successfully land on Mars and release their roving cameras which ultimately take some pretty incredible pictures. They're clearly built to last.

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My next suggestion is to just stop making stuff out of foam. Maybe NASA hasn't gotten the message, but It doesn't work. I had my share of Nerf footballs as a kid and I can tell you from personal experience that they don't last for longer than a season. That's just from normal kid-style usage, not even subjecting them to re-entry into earth's atmosphere.

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Also, and this is more of a suggestion regarding decorum, when you do manage to successfully shoot a bunch of people off into space without incident, don't freak out like you just won the Super Bowl! Show a little class and act like you've been there before for God's sake. I mean, all the hootin' and hollerin' that goes on at "Mission Control" doesn't exactly give one the impression that you actually expected it to work.

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Lastly, I'd just like to say directly to NASA, when humans are involved in the missions you probably should try extra hard to get it right. We have enough movies about astronauts getting killed, stranded and attacked by aliens. I know you probably can't do anything about the aliens, but I'm sure you can improve in the other areas because frankly Hollywood has plenty of ideas already and doesn't need your mistakes to further inspire them.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

National Vanguard Hates Yoda

National Vanguard

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Let me say from the start that I have absolutely no experience in the field of hatemongering, but I'm willing to give it the old college try. I understand that there are monthly "dues" involved and I'm fine with that, but I'm a little curious as to what I'd get for that money. I'm hoping a portion of it buys me into National Vanguard's health plan or something useful. Anyway, I clicked the little "What Is National Vanguard?" button and saw this:

National Vanguard is what you've been looking for: an intelligent and responsible organization that stands up for the interests of White people.

Apparently I've been looking for National Vanguard and didn't even know it. I am a white person though, so having them "stand up" for me doesn't sound like such a bad deal. I mean, I suppose it's time majorities had a voice, we've had it good for too long...I wanna have it great! After perusing their website extensively, I'm still having trouble figuring out exactly what National Vanguard does. I'll tell you what would really be helpful though - if National Vanguard could find me an honest mechanic. Here's a bit of info I did find useful though:

Mentoring: New members will be provided with a mentor, an experienced member well versed in the ideology of the organization, who will serve as the new member's point of contact with National Vanguard.

Now this part I like! I imagine it would be like having your own private Yoda, except instead of really useful advice he would spew hatred and bigotry, for example:

"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to...happiness."

Of course, Yoda isn't white so unfortunately, he would have no place in National Vanguard. It's just an example. On second thought, I'm not sure I wanna be a member of a club that won't have Yoda as a member. I'm gonna have to give this a little more thought. Maybe hatemongering isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Tough Break - NBA - Report: Suns Barbosa out 1-3 weeks after Ginobili flop

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Phoenix Suns guard Leandro Barbosa could miss up to three weeks with an injury to his left knee. Barbosa has a Grade 2 sprain of the medial collateral ligament but could return in one to three weeks, the Arizona Republic reported.

"Ginobili always likes to flop," Barbosa told The Arizona Republic. "Nobody even touched him.

"He just flopped. That's why I feel sad to hurt myself like that," he added. "I wish I could have hurt myself in another way."

I've seen the replay and I've gotta say I haven't seen a flop that bad since "Pearl Harbor". I agree with Barbosa though, it would have been a lot better if he could have hurt himself another way. For example, straining your back lifting something heavy is pretty admirable. A paper cut on your tongue from licking envelopes, while volunteering at an animal shelter is another good one. The ultimate "good" injury? Third degree burns suffered while saving a baby from a burning apartment building, of course.

Friday, November 18, 2005


Earths core spinning faster than its crust - Science -

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"The giant iron ball at the center of the Earth appears to be spinning a bit faster than the rest of the planet. The solid core that measures about 1,500 miles in diameter is spinning about one-quarter to one-half degree faster, per year, than the rest of the world, scientists from Columbia University's Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign report in Friday's issue of the journal Science."

This is basically a "thought you'd like to know" situation, isn't it? Whether it's supposed to be spinning faster or not, there isn't really much we can do about it. My only question is, this isn't gonna send us back in time eventually or anything, right? The article doesn't mention the various time travel scenarios that may result from the earth's core spinning faster than its crust. I really don't wanna wake up one day and everyone's got feathered hair and bell bottoms on and I'm the only idiot looking like I just came from the future. Talk about awkward!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Make Lemonade

Ananova - Village drops Old Smelly name

"A Serbian village has changed its name from Old Smelly to stop embarrassed youngsters from moving out. Smrdic, meaning Old Smelly, was changed to Izvor, meaning Spring, after villagers petitioned the government. They wanted to change the village's name which dates back hundreds of years to a legend about a dead horse."

Here's a t-shirt idea that could have meant big revenue for the town if they had only gotten a little creative:

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What's So Good About Trees?

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This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think as a people, we should just stop planting trees already. Seriously, they're everywhere you look. Isn't that enough? Personally, I'm tired of trimming their branches and raking their leaves each fall. Then there's "Arbor Day". What's that all about? We certainly don't need a day just for planting trees. For the sake of those who may not have already known, that's exactly what Arbor Day is all about! Arbor Day was started over a hundred years ago as a way to encourage people to replant trees in deforested areas of Nebraska. Well, guess what? Nebraska has plenty of trees now and so does every other state. I would venture to say that pretty much most countries have trees covered at this point. So I say, let's cut some trees down. Can we have a day for that? Other than the whole oxygen thing, I've yet to hear a compelling case for trees. Trees are just vastly overrated. I don't wanna hear the argument that trees provide shade either. So do umbrellas and we don't even have to water them. Don't forget that trees also provide paper too. Think about that for a bit, won't you?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Water Free Urinal

Water Free Urinal Products

"The new wall-hung Sloan WES-1000 Waterfree Urinal with wall outlet saves you water and money. The WES-1000 eliminates water and sewer costs from urinals; reduces maintenance and repair bills; and creates hygienic, odor-free restrooms."

I don't care how much money you're saving or how many of those smelly deodorant cakes you throw in, there are just some things that should never under any circumstances be "Waterfree". The urinal is right at the top of that list. What they aren't considering with this invention is that when you remove the water from the equation, you're basically left with this:

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You know, when it comes to the urinal, it just might be time to stop trying to reinvent the wheel.

Chicken Soup For Your Chicken

China to vaccinate billions of birds against flu - Bird Flu -

"China vowed on Tuesday to vaccinate its entire stock of 14 billion poultry against bird flu, with the government to foot the bill as it scrambles to prevent more outbreaks."

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I'm not too up on current events and such and I'll admit that I don't fully understand this threat of a "pandemic" that I keep hearing about, but I think it's misguided of China to be worried about vaccinating all those birds against the flu when they have about a gazillion people in their country who could use that medicine more. Who cares if a few birds get a little fever and a cough, just feed 'em some chicken soup and they'll get over it. Let's worry about the people first. It's just common sense if you ask me.

Friday, November 11, 2005

It's Good To Not Like a Celebrity

Ashlee Simpson not interested in famous guys - Celebrity News -

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"Ashlee Simpson may have followed sister Jessica's lead by launching a singing career, but she's not interested in mirroring her romantic life by linking up with a famous guy.

"If you fall in love with somebody, you fall in love with somebody, but I would really like to not like a celebrity," she said with a laugh in a recent interview with The Associated Press."

She is eloquent, huh? In all seriousness, this is refreshing to hear. She prefers her next man not to be famous and as long as he's fine with her not having talent, then I think there is real potential for a lasting relationship. Considering that a "lasting" relationship in the entertainment biz is about three weeks, I'd say the odds are better than 50-50.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Rocket To Russia

Secretive rocket firm plans new HQ - -

"The Seattle-based Blue Origin rocket company, bankrolled by founder Jeff Bezos, plans to set up corporate headquarters and primary operations in the city of Kent, Wash., next year.

Secretive in their rocket work, Blue Origin is rumored to be engaged in developing a passenger-carrying vertical takeoff and landing rocket."

I happen to work for Blue Origin and I think I can clarify a few things mentioned in this article. While I can't tell you the exact location of our new headquarters (it's NOT Kent, Washington by the way), I can confirm that we are in fact working on a passenger-carrying vertical takeoff rocket. This article mentions landing as well, but as of now we have no plans to include that in this rocket's capabilities. Since I can be fairly anonymous on SU, I don't think I can get into any trouble for sharing a picture of this rocket on my page, so here's your first glimpse at it.

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Ain't she a beaut? It may not look like it, but the rocket will seat three comfortably. We're currently taking reservations for the maiden voyage. Dinner will be served and the in flight movie will be the classic sci-fi flick, "Marooned".

Why Pay More? - News - Police Say Mom Sold 2-Year-Old For $2,000

"Nicholas Stokes, 60, allegedly bought Savannah Stokes from the girl's mother for $2,000. Rosemary Busch, 22, told police she gave her daughter to Nicholas Stokes Aug. 1 to take her to her father in California. Nicholas Stokes is not related to the child, WEWS-TV in Cleveland reported."

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Here in the Detroit area kids are going for about $1,000 per year as well, so that seems about right. Don't forget that during the famous kid shortage of the mid 80's, kids were going for a ridiculous $5,000 per year (U.S. average)! So all things considered, this is a good deal.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Motel Hell (The Blog!)

Motel Hell

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"Greetings and welcome to MOTEL HELL! A ghastly-garish gallery of some of the most beautifully retched and dismal vintage motel (and roadside eatery) postcards from the 1950's, 60's and 70's."

This is a great new blog from the same people who brought you Malls of America, Old Haunts, Deviled Ham and much, much more (well, a couple more anyway). Some really great pictures here that harken me back to the days of my youth. One thing I could never figure out though - even though these motels were so bad (and they really were, for the most part), why was it that when I was a kid and my family was travelling somewhere it always took us forever to find a place with any flippin' vacancy. It beat sleeping in the car anyway.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

The ScooterDesk

"The utility of the ScooterDesk and the lighthearted way in which users toboggan around the office make it a delightful product to have around and one that helps to create a playful, group dynamic at the same time as facilitating collaboration and spontaneous group meetings."

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I see great potential in the ScooterDesk. First, think of all the space you'll save in an office setting without bulky chairs and desks filling up every square inch. At the very least there will be more room for trashcans with those clip on basketball backboards attached. I also like the fact that with this invention, walking is completely out. Hey, exercise is for suckers anyway. Plus, if you add up all the non-productive time you spend simply walking around the office all day, that's gotta be at least about three minutes of your day. That's three minutes that, thanks to the ScooterDesk, you can spend working!

I really think the ScooterDesk will keep workers in a better mood too. How can you not be in a good mood when you're sliding around the office all day in such a "lighthearted" way? I can see workers making a game of it and competitively racing around the office from time to time just to keep things light. The boss won't mind either because he or she will surely be racing around too. And when the boss needs someone to "tobaggan" down the hall to pick up some paperwork from accounting, workers will practically be fighting for that plumb job (in a "playful" way, of course). ScooterDesk is a product from the geniuses at UTILIA - they put the fun back in the office, where it belongs.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

You Gotta Hand It To Them

Bush Robots - Fingers On Your Fingers On Your Fingers...

"In his 1941 novel Methuselah's Children, Robert Heinlein writes about a human baby modified by an alien race. The baby was given the following "improvements" (among others):

"'s body architecture has been redesigned for greater efficiency, our useless simian hangovers have been left out, and its organs have been rearranged in a more sensible fashion. You can't say it's not human, for it is... an improved model. Take that extra appendage at the wrist. That's another hand, a miniature one... backed up by a microscopic eye. You can see how useful that would be, once you got used to the idea."

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Aside from this just being a disturbing image in general, if aliens were to modify humans in this way, I don't think I could ever get used to telling someone to give me thirty (as in..."Hey, our team just won the championship. Gimme a high thirty, man!").

On a sidenote, when I took piano lessons as a kid, I learned from a music book called "Teaching Little Fingers to Play".

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Mars For Sale

Purchase Moon Land - Authorized Lunar Embassy Agent

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Inspired by this website that sells land on the moon, I decided to look into getting my Celestial Realtor's License. I thought it would be a difficult and lengthy process, but it was rather quick and easy actually. Sure, it was costly ($1,200), but I expect to make that money back before too long. As part of my instructional materials, I received a set of videos about my chosen specialty - Mars. It's the red planet, you know!

I'm thinking that with all the hurricanes, earthquakes and other natural disasters recently occuring here on Earth and the subsequent speculation by some of an upcoming apocalypse, now's a great time for people to get into the real estate market on other planets. I'm no dummy, I know that Mars has the climate and atmosphere most similar to Earth's, so where are people gonna go if we're forced to "relocate"?

Let me make it clear to all my fellow Stumblers that this is not a sales pitch, but for the sake of satisfying your curiosity I will mention that land on Mars goes for $399 per acre. I know, it's a little steep, especially when compared to the going price of land on the moon ($29.99 per acre). You have to understand though that the moon is nowhere near being "prime" real estate. It has lots of holes, which drops the value significantly, and the atmosphere makes it very impractical to live there. Plus, remember how stupid the astronauts looked as they were hopping around on the moon? Nuff said.

I realize that has already announced their own plans to eventually sell land on Mars, but I'm the only one licensed and doing it NOW. After much exhaustive research I've determined that Mars is gonna be the Beverly Hills of the solar system, so you'd be wise to get in while prices are this low (not a solicitation, just a little advice). Remember too, the universe is huge and if there is life on other planets, you never know when one of "their" realtors is gonna get the idea to sell land on Mars and if they colonize it first, we technically have no claim to the land. Consider the ramifications of that in the face of an actual apocalypse and I think you'll agree that now is the time to act.