Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Bull Stops Here

Bull jumps into stands in Mexico City - Americas - MSNBC.com

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"A half-ton bull named Pajarito, or "Little Birdy", jumped into the stands during a bullfight, injuring several spectators before it was killed."

It's getting to where you can't taunt, poke and prod a bull for fun anymore without him getting all worked up and freaking out. Was it the skewers sticking out of his back that bothered this bull? Geez, talk about sensitive!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Hail To the Kingfish

Hawaii's humuhumunukunukuapuaa ousted? - U.S. Life - MSNBC.com

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"Everyone thought the humuhumunukunukuapuaa was Hawaii's state fish. As it turns out, the brightly colored fish with the excessively long name has been dethroned."

Yeah, they're just gonna scrap it and go with the Perch.

TurboTap Technology


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"Beer is big business - the world consumes 150 billion litres of beer annually and in America alone, beer is a US$78.1 billion dollar industry accounting for 54% of all alcoholic beverage sales in dollars. Which is why the TurboTap is such an important invention - pours beer four times faster than existing beer taps at the same time as increasing keg yield by up to 30% and reducing training time to roughly 60 seconds. By increasing the number of customers that can be served by bar staff, the TurboTap can significantly increase profitability at peak times, and reduce staff numbers across the board."

I don't drink, so for all I care they could bring back prohibition and it wouldn't matter to me, but I think even the biggest drunk (if you're a big drunk, no offense) would agree that there's no need to improve keg technology. Let's get the genius who's making kegs pour faster working on creating a better auto wash or something really important like that. To call the "TurboTap" an "important invention" by the way is just wrong on many levels, but I'm guessing the person who wrote this received a "free sample" and made that statement after extensive "testing", if you know what I mean. At any rate, I have a suggestion for a slogan for the "TurboTap" and if someone from the company reads this, feel free to use it: "TurboTap. Get stinkin' drunk four times faster!"

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Twice As Nice

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I knew this woman from the American Express ad running on MSNBC's website looked familiar, she's also the Accenture Intelligent Mirror ad woman! I'm glad to see the ridiculous aging process that this mirror predicted for her based on her lifestyle hasn't kicked in yet (see my post from Dec. 23rd). What's up though? Does she only own one shirt, or does she have a huge supply of navy blue button ups??? Notice that the mirror predicts she'll be wearing the same shirt five years from now and judging from these ads I believe it!

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Is That a Titleist?

London whale's death tied to dehydration - Environment - MSNBC.com
"The whale that made world headlines when it swam up the River Thames into central London last week died of several factors including dehydration, scientists who conducted a post-mortem said on Wednesday.

ZSL veterinary pathologist Paul Jepson, who carried out the autopsy, said early blood tests had shown the whale was remarkably free of parasites or any disease. There was also no evidence that the animal had any internal injury."

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They don't mention it here, but I read that there were also no signs of foul play, so Shamoo is off the hook on this one. Does anyone else find it ironic that a whale would die of dehydration though? It's pretty clear that whales aren't the smartest creatures around because they're always taking wrong turns and getting stuck somewhere. What does it say about humans though that we know whales are gonna beach themselves and that when they do we'd like to get them back to open water, but after all these years we still haven't figured out a way to make that happen?

Monday, January 23, 2006

Deep Pocket Impact

NASA postpones mission to visit two asteroids - Space News - MSNBC.com

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"An unmanned NASA spacecraft intended to visit two of the solar system's largest asteroids will not launch this year, as the space agency deals with cost overruns and technical issues."

Look, I know there are those who are homeless and starving in the United States but seriously people, we have to figure out a way to get this spacecraft launched so we can have them orbit these huge asteroids. It's just too important to allow something like "cost overruns" to get in the way!

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Swiss Pocket Watches Are Expensive!

Swiss Pocket Watches - Sterling Silver Pocket Watches

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There are three things the Swiss make really well: army knives, watches and hot chocolate (Swiss Miss is imported, right?). Anyway, I'm still on my quest for the perfect pocket watch and I figured since the Swiss are renowned the world over for their timepieces, that would be a good place to start looking for a pocket watch. It turns out it's not. The Swiss Pocket Watches on this site are nice, but way out of my price range at the moment. And the search continues...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Money Well Spent?

NASA set to launch first spacecraft to Pluto - Space News - MSNBC.com

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"Houston we have another colossal waste of money!"

"An unmanned NASA spacecraft the size of a piano is set to lift off Tuesday on a nine-year journey to Pluto, the last unexplored planet in the solar system.

The $700 million New Horizons mission also will study the surrounding Kuiper Belt, the mysterious zone of the solar system that is believed to hold thousands of comets and other icy objects. It could hold clues to how the planets were formed."

$700 million dollars?!?! I'm sorry but for $700 million dollars you better not be coming back simply with "clues" to how the planets were formed! I think I speak for everyone when I say that at a pricetag that high I expect NASA to wrap this mystery up faster than Scooby Doo and the gang figure out that old man Bowers the inn keeper is also the abominable snowman trying to scare tourists away from his secret hidden gold mines, which nobody knew were there in the first place.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

And New World Champion

Man solves Rubik's Cube in 11.13 seconds - U.S. News - MSNBC.com

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A 20-year-old California Institute of Technology student set a new world's record Saturday for solving the popular Rubik's Cube puzzle, turning the tiled brain-twister from scrambled to solved in 11.13 seconds.

The least effective pickup line of all time: I solved the Rubick's Cube in 11.13 seconds, you wanna go out sometime?

Laziness 101

Online classes popular on campus as well as off - Tech News & Reviews - MSNBC.com

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"Andy Steele lives just a few blocks from the campus of Black Hills State University in Spearfish, S.D., so commuting to class isn't the problem. But he doesn't like lectures much, isn't a morning person, and wants time during the day to restore motorcycles.

So Steele, a full-time senior business major, has been taking as many classes as he can from the South Dakota state system's online offerings. He gets better grades and learns more, he says, and insists he isn't missing out on the college experience."

I can only say that it's good to see the youth of America has it's priorities in order and that the school system is responding by making adjustments to accommodate their student's busy lives. While they're at it, nobody really likes books. Tests stink too. Homework? It's for suckers! Some progress has been made, but clearly there's a lot yet to be done. I just hope they realize that the new Playstation is coming out soon and time management will be of the utmost importance.

Give Suplex the Pile Driver

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A word that always seems to get a bye, a free pass if you will, is the word "suplex". I've always thought that someone really needed to take it to task for being so ridiculous. Well the time has come and that "someone" is "me". Did you know it's not even in the dictionary? Nope, not in there. And I assure you this isn't a situation like the way people always like to say "ain't" isn't in the dictionary and then you look it up and it's actually there. It seems the world of wrestling has fed us the word "suplex", they completely made it up and we bought it hook, line and sinker. My suggestion is that everyone just ignore it. If you have a friend who's into wrestling and he/she tries to explain a cool move they saw and they use the term "suplex", just act like you have no idea what they're talking about. Trust me, it may be a little awkward, but they'll soon get the picture and stop using this fictitious word altogether. Eventually "suplex" will just go away and I'm 99.73% sure the world will be better for it.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Doom and Gloom (Things Are Looking Up!)

Your resume, please

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"The Lions were expected to interview Steelers offensive line coach Russ Grimm for their head coaching job Thursday night in Pittsburgh. Grimm reportedly is at or near the top of the Lions' list. Meanwhile, the Lions kept in close contact with ex-New Orleans coach Jim Haslett."

Matt Millen, president of the Detroit Lions, is public enemy number one right now in the state of Michigan. Word has it that Russ Grimm is the leading candidate to be the Lions next head coach. I don't know if he'll be any good, but I find it very ironic and incredibly fitting that the Lions head coach would be named Grimm considering the sad state the team is currently in. If you're a Lions fan just know that I sense you nodding in agreement right now.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Enough With the iPod Already!

Levi Strauss debuts iPod-ready jeans - U.S. Business - MSNBC.com

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"Call it the 21st Century watch pocket. Denim giant Levi Strauss said on Tuesday it had designed jeans compatible with the iPod music player, featuring a joystick in the watch pocket to operate the device."

First of all just let me say that there are about 1.3 million jokes I could make about jeans with a "joystick in the watch pocket", but I'm not gonna even bother with that. I would like to focus here on the devaluation of the watch pocket. You may recall that on Dec. 31st I posted that 2006 was gonna be the year of the watch pocket/pocket watch. For those of you who took the time to write and say that you support the idea, let me say that the plan is still a go. I'm currently shopping for the perfect pocket watch and this plan by the Levi Strauss company to go high tech with the watch pocket will not deter me from my goal of bringing the watch pocket back in style. If anything, this dumbing down of said pocket only strengthens my resolve to use this pocket as originally intended, thus preserving the of integrity of jeans. Levi Strauss must be turning over in his grave at this iPod-ready jeans idea. Tis truly a sad day for jeans.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Sounds Delicious

Shanghai stalls serve up cat dressed as mutton - Food Inc. - MSNBC.com

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"Shanghai street vendors are using the meat from stray cats to supplement mutton to make kebabs, an animal welfare organization said on Friday.

The Shanghai Small Animal Association has just completed a one-year investigation in which kebab samples, mostly lamb but sometimes rabbit, tested positively for cat meat."

There are two headlines I was always certain I would never see in my lifetime: "Mariah Carey Wins Oscar" and "Kebab Samples Test Positively For Cat Meat". At least one of those is still a mortal lock, but I must admit that my faith in mankind has been shaken. No wonder the vendors were calling these kebabs "Shanghai Surprise"! They weren't really, I'm just kidding, but wouldn't it have been funny if they were?

Friday, January 06, 2006

This Art Stinks

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"A 76-year-old performance artist was arrested after attacking Marcel Duchamp's "Fountain" -- a porcelain urinal -- with a hammer, police said.

Duchamp's 1917 piece -- an ordinary white, porcelain urinal that's been called one of the most influential works of modern art -- was slightly chipped in the attack at the Pompidou Center in Paris, the museum said Thursday. It was removed from the exhibit for repair.

A 2004 poll of 500 arts figures ranked "Fountain" as the most influential work of modern art -- ahead of Pablo Picasso's "Les Demoiselles d'Avignon," Andy Warhol's screen prints of Marilyn Monroe and "Guernica", Picasso's depiction of war's devastation."

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What they don't mention here is coming in a very close fourth in the 2004 poll was "Porta John" by the little known southern artist Joe Bob Smith. When produced in the early 60's many critics called it "too derivative" of Marcel Duchamp's "Fountain", but the piece has since gained respect in the art world after being featured in multiple episodes of the seminal MTV comedy show, "Jackass".

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Let the Battle Begin

HD-DVD format war looms for consumers - Financial Times - MSNBC.com

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"The launch of competing and incompatible high-definition DVD players leaves consumers facing another confusing and costly format war. Leading consumer electronics manufacturers including Toshiba, Pioneer, Philips, LG and Samsung used the annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, which formally begins on Thursday, to debut competing Blu-ray and HD-DVD format DVD players."

I'm so excited about these "Blu-ray" and "HD-DVD" technologies, not because of the promise that DVD's will now look much sharper and clearer, but because I've been dying to spend thousands of dollars to replace my current DVD players which work perfectly fine and all the DVD's in my collection. Nothing will thrill me more than to have to buy "Goodfellas" for a third time because first I bought the regular DVD, then not too long ago I bought the "Special Edition" with all the extras and now I can look forward to buying it again to get the "High Definition" version. I'll be repeating this scenario with a few other DVD's in my collection too. Not to mention all the seasons of TV shows I own which I'll have to replace at $30-$50 a pop. Since analysts predict that this technology war could be a battle similar to VHS and Betamax in the early days of video, if I happen to choose the wrong format, I could eventually be looking at doing this all over again when one format wins out. To top it all off, I'll have to replace my TV set eventually to meet the HDTV requirement which is set to go into effect in a few years. You gotta love it!

Monday, January 02, 2006

The Difference Between My Cat and This Cat

Hero cat apparently dials 911 to help owner - Peculiar Postings - MS

"Police aren't sure how else to explain it. But when an officer walked into an apartment Thursday night to answer a 911 call, an orange-and-tan striped cat was lying by a telephone on the living room floor. The cat's owner, Gary Rosheisen, was on the ground near his bed having fallen out of his wheelchair. Rosheisen said his cat, Tommy, must have hit the right buttons to call 911."
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This cat dials 911 and saves it's owner's life. My cat makes prank phone calls and has pizza sent to our neighbors. Yin and yang I guess.

Beach Front Real Estate

BBC NEWS | UK | England | Dorset | Beach hut couples wait pays off

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A retired couple have secured a lease on a beach hut after spending four nights sleeping in their car at the front of the queue. Alan Day, 70, and his wife, Valerie, 63, said it was "like winning the lottery".

The couple, who moved to the nearby Highcliffe area from London five years ago, have queued every year for a short-term hut and two years ago were "pipped at the post" for one of the long lets."

I've never heard this before in my life and I have no idea what it means, but "pipped at the post" is now my all-time favorite expression.