Friday, July 29, 2005

Membership Has No Privileges

Wired News: Sky-High Gamers Go to Extremes

"On a sunny California day, Lou Myers and three others became the first people ever to play a Super Mario game while plummeting from the sky at terminal velocity."

Basically it's the geek equivalent of the mile high club.

A Blouse By Any Other Name

Ultimate Poets Shirt

It's called the "Ultimate Poets Shirt" and it's from International Male's "Get Your Butt Kicked" collection.

These Go To Eleven

gizmag Article: For Your Ears Only - The Audio Tooth

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I was one of the first people to get audio in my teeth. It was great for a while. I could listen to the radio through it and changing stations was as easy as biting down. I could adjust the volume by rolling my tongue over the tooth. One night though, the audio portion of the tooth popped out and I swallowed it in my sleep. When it hit my stomach, the radio turned on (WAY too loud, I might add!). Talk about a rude awakening. The worst part is, I can't change the station and it's currently set on lite FM. If I hear "The Girl From Ipanema" one more time I'm gonna throw up (but it won't get rid of the unit, I tried it already). Unfortunately, it also works as a microphone and when I'm hungry and my stomach growls, it's so loud that it shakes my brain. I've got minor surgery scheduled for next month to have it taken out. After that I'm going to have two new audio units put in my teeth, one on each side (that's right, stereo baby!). Wish me luck!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Before Lords of Dogtown...

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The 2005 movie, "Lords of Dogtown", tells the somewhat fictionalized story of the Z-Boys, a group of real-life Southern California guys, who became famous in the 1970's for their skateboarding skills and innovations to the sport. Previously in 2001 a documentary had been made about the Z-Boys called "Z-Boys and Dogtown", which told the real story, as it actually happened. I did some research of my own and found that even earlier in California there was a group of skateboarders that were shaping the entire future of skateboarding forever. Their name? The E=mc2 Boys.

After two months of grueling work, I would like to announce the upcoming release of my documentary, "The Original Lords of Dogtown". This film traces skateboarding back to it's earliest days when Norbert Hothstein and Michael Petrolio were just a couple of young scientists with the dream of taking the surfboard out of the ocean and putting it on land (in fact, they originally called it "Roller Surfing"). Needless to say, I'm very excited about the film and hope you will all go see it. Also, I recently completed work on the poster (which I designed myself) and would appreciate any feedback on it before I send it off to the printer. Here it is, for the first time anywhere:

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Does a Bear Sing In the Woods?

Most people don't know that before Andrew Lloyd Webber's hugely successful "The Phantom of the Opera" in the 80's, he had monumentally failed in the 70's with "The Brown Bear of the Ballroom".

"Dance! My angel of disco!"

Who's Gonna Drive You Home?

Dicycles and Diwheels.

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Okay, these "Dicycles" are just a little too strange for my taste. I'll just stick to driving my Dar, thank you.

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Monday, July 25, 2005

A Worthy Cause

Friends, I wish to bring to your attention a serious disease that affects seven people on a worldwide basis every fifty three years. The man in this photo (for the sake of anonimity we will call him "Jim Summerhill") has been suffering with a serious problem for many years now. You may have already looked upon the above photo and assumed it was some kind of joke, but would that it were. This picture, sadly, is an actual photo of "Jim Summerhill". See, "Jim Summerhill" suffers from hydrophobic mouthaphobia. In laymans terms, he has an extreme fear of the oral intake of water. Fortunately, doctors have been able to rig up a system so he is not without the water that his body so desperately needs, though it's far from perfect and water loss is a serious issue. In recent months doctors have tested a sleek new water tube system (shown below) which can be fitted to "Jim Summerhill" personally and allow him to live his life untethered to some huge unwieldy device, destined forever to be a nasal slobbering fool. Unfortunately, funds have dried up of late and "Jim Summerhill"'s insurance company refuses to pay for this new medical wonder. I would like to encourage those caring and giving souls on the internet to contribute in any way they can to "Jim Summerhill"'s situation. Even a kind word to "Jim Summerhill" can do wonders, but it's not gonna buy a new water tube system thing. We're not asking for your voice. We're asking for your money. Thank you.

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Now Available Without a Perscription

The K. Gordon Murray Horror Films

I'm speaking from experience when I say that you will absolutely, positively get NO terror without a perscription. Trust me, it's just not gonna happen. Sure, if you're in the U.S. you might be able to have some sent in from Canada, but that can be a long and complicated process. The best thing you can do is see your doctor and find out if terror is right for you. You can also make a difference by contacting your state representatives and letting them know that you support the continued use of medicinal terror.

A Day That Will Live In Infamy

U B U W E B :: 365 Days Project - April 16-30

Begs the question: Where were you when Toothdecay fell? Ironically, I was in the chair at my dentist's office. When the news came on over the radio I just remember everyone in the office celebrating, overjoyed by the news, knowing that at long last our troops could finally return home. My dentist was so happy, he gave me a free fluoride rinse. That historic day, of course, ushered in the "era of good brushing".

Saturday, July 23, 2005

And Don't Forget Your Helmet

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As many people know, Howard Hughes was a big fan of aviation. Lesser known is the fact that he was also a motorcycle enthusiast as evidenced by this picture of his first bike, which is currently on display at the Smithsonian. Fortunately, he didn't let his extreme fear of germs get in the way of a sweet ride.

Baseball Cards and Other Hidden Treasures

Baseball Cards 1887-1914

I was thinking of selling my extremely rare Honus Wagner T-206 card which is worth more than $500,000, but instead I think I'll just put it behind a picture in a frame, throw it in an old trunk in my attic, forget it's there, eventually move and let the next people that live here clean out the attic someday and find the card, only to discover that the old baseball card that they assumed was worthless is actually worth over a million dollars (which I'm sure it will be by then). I'm thinking about doing the same thing with an original copy of the Declaration of Independence, too.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Peter & Paul Minus Mary

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This is the story of Peter and Paul before they met Mary. Most people don't know that they were originally known as "Peter and Paul and the Early Christian Church" and they only sang bible hymns. It was Mary who later introduced the Folk angle to them. In fact, the guys were reluctant to change the name of the group, until she convinced them that the "Mary" in "Peter, Paul and Mary" was a reference to the mother of Jesus and not herself, thus allowing them to keep a little of "where they came from" alive. I don't wanna spoil too much of it for you, but also included in the book is a story about an unscrupulous tour promoter, which explains the origin of the phrase "Steal from Peter to pay Paul". Trust me, it's a must read.

She's a Real Doll

Inflatable Doll

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Boy does this bring back memories! My dad had one of these back in the 70's. He got it from the guys at work as a gag gift on his birthday one year. My mom didn't care for it really, so it pretty much stayed in a box in their closet most of the time. My brother was an aspiring director when we were kids and once in a while he would talk my dad into letting us use it as a prop in a movie we were making. It worked out well until I accidentally put a hole in it during a scene one day and my dad had to patch it up and refill it with air so we could finish the movie. Unfortunately, he never let us use it again after that. But my brothers and I still have great memories of "Judy". I'm pretty sure my dad still has her packed away in the garage somewhere. I recently came across an old picture of her taken from the "set" of one of our movies many years ago, so I figured I would share it here:

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Those were the days.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Splat! (Part 2)

Peroxide Propulsion Home :: Peroxide Propulsion

Wow! A Hydrogen Peroxide Rocket System. On a related note, the world's largest spatula:

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Splat! (Part 1)

gizmag Article: Preparations for worlds first human landing WITHOUT a parachute

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Wow! The world's first human landing without a parachute. That's pretty cool. On a related note, the world's largest spatula:

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Wednesday, July 20, 2005


U B U W E B :: 365 Days Project - February 1-15

I'm not really sure what this picture is supposed to be about, but here's what I came up with:


"Jesus! For the third time, we're not hiring!"

Monday, July 18, 2005

You've Heard of a House of Cards? Well...

Livio De Marchi

"Can you imagine a house made out of books? A house in which even the table, the chairs and the bed seem to have been made of pages to turn and bound covers? You might say that this is a dream turned into reality by Livio De Marchi!"

I've read this house twice already and it's exciting throughout! A true classic. I won't tell you the surprise twist ending at the spiral staircase, but I will tell you that when you get to the chimney the story really starts to pick up steam.

Just In Time

ART+COM - timescope

"The basic idea of the "timescope" is a virtual journey in time via telescope."

I really don't think this will catch on. I went to see it and took this picture looking through the "Timescope". I had no idea they meant the name so literally. How long could you look at this before getting bored?

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I was ready to move on after 2 minutes and 13 seconds.

Mission Accomplished

Ananova - Artists put cow on 10 storey building

A cow is living on top of a ten storey building in Santiago in a work of performance art. A spokesperson for the group said: "We want to question the limits of the art creation. People think art is only what is in the galleries but that is not true."

As an art piece, I can't help but feel it's just too derivative of Michelangelo's brilliant "Horse on the Sistine Chapel".

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Friday, July 15, 2005

Where's Jesus This Time?

First Coast News | Strange & Unusual

"A town in Indiana has turned off a streetlight that drew hundreds of people to see a shadow that some say looked like Jesus Christ."

Wait a second...Yes...I think I see it! Man, can you imagine just how doomed the guy is who decided to pull the plug on Jesus?

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Thursday, July 14, 2005

The Greatest

Eric Joyner

Muhammad Ali vs. Sonny Liston. One of the most famous boxing pictures of all time (though the picture is not from the site, by the way).

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What I liked about this site though is that they had another photo from this fight that I had never seen before. You may notice that the entire scene looks quite different in color.

What's Yoga Got to Do With It?

gizmag Article: A shirt-ironing machine from Siemens

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This is a shirt-ironing machine. I assume the "Yoga pose" design they've given the machine is to create a relaxing vibe.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Jesus Needs a Handout

Panhandler Admits He's Probably Not Jesus

Well, he's admitted he's probably not Jesus. If he were to continue with the ruse anyway, here are some ideas I had for possible signs he could hold up:

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Or if he's a little more ambitious, he could hold up this sign:

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His message could be even more basic:

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He could always try this little attention grabber (and once he had someone's attention he could try to perform a miracle or something):

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Of course, if the judge were a little more creative in this case, he could make him hold up a sign admitting the truth:

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Unfortunately, I have a feeling he'll probably just end up holding this old standby:

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Sunday, July 10, 2005

I'm So Into You!

Just Say Yes

...or wink. I just wanna get nuts with you. But you gotta be into Betsy too.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Robots Slap Line

U B U W E B :: 365 Days Project - January 1-15

This website appears to be related to music in some way, but I was drawn in by this bit of 1950's ephemera. What is shown in this picture is what was called a "Robot Slap Line". Back in the day when the U.S. was caught up in the great "Robot Race" with the Soviets, this was common practice among the robot building factories. Similar to the method of doctors slapping newborns to get them to cry, as robots would come off the assembly line, they were slapped in the face one by one, however in this case it was to make sure they showed no emotion. Why did they have to do this? Because there was so much factory infiltration by saboteurs in those days that it was necessary to weed out the imposters. Though there has been no known case of robot factory infiltration in the past forty years, the practice of hitting robots in the face as they come off the line continues, though these days it's all automated (the robot is simply whacked in the face by a fly swatter attached to a mechanical arm).

My Day Job

Monkey training for organ grinders in the 1800s

I'm currently an Organ Grinder in New York City trying to put myself through college. I can't tell you how much this article is going to increase my profits! I've literally spent hours trying to figure out how to best parlay my Organ Grinding skills into bigger profits and had yet to find the answer until now. First thing tomorrow I'll be trading my ferret in for a monkey!! Sure, people found the ferret entertaining, but were generally repulsed by the stench (ferrets emit an odor that can be somewhat off-putting, to say the least). Lets face it though, a ferret ain't gonna learn to play the cymbols anytime soon. And seeing as I've been robbed eight times already, a monkey that can handle a firearm will be worth its weight in gold. I really think monkeys could be the next big thing in Organ Grinding! Wish me luck!

A Little Movie Gem

The Unknown Movies -

As the banner for the site says, they review movies that are "Obscure, Unknown and Little Shown". I've linked here to their review of a Don Coscarelli film from 1977 called "Kenny and Company". I, myself, can't say if this movie is any good or not since I have never seen it and haven't read the article yet to get their take. I can however suggest that basing an entire movie around the little known sport of Putt Putt Football was completely insane. Apparently the game was somewhat popular in the Los Angeles area in the mid-70's but never quite caught on anywhere else. This "Kenny" kid was to Putt Putt Football (or "Pootball" as those in the know called it) what Pele was to soccer. In fact, they were quite similar in that they both only went by one name. From what I understand, to this day, Kenny still holds Pootball records in Birdies, Touchdowns and number of times being called in by his mom before a game was over. There is currently a movement in the LA area to open a Hall of Fame to the sport, but at the last city council meeting the Hall was voted down in favor of a new gas station. I have a feeling though that those tenacious "Pootballers" will get their Hall one day.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Deal O' the Day

The Engineer Online - Cool concept

Sweet ride! I'm getting one of these now that they're offering the employee discount for everyone! I wanna pay what they're paying...not a cent more.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Sun and Moon

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Sun Tzu.............................Keith Moon

Poetry For a Change

When I was a kid I used to write poetry off and on. In fact, over the course of a few years I had filled an entire notebook with the poems that I had written. For years this notebook had been lost, but one day whilst cleaning out my garage I happened upon it at the bottom of an old box. It sure brought back a lot of memories. The poetry was awful to be sure, but on occassion I had used a page of the notebook to jot down notes about things unrelated to poetry. It was on one of these pages that I wrote my masterpiece. While not initially meant to be a "poem" per se, it now reads with a flow and artistry that none of my "intentional poetry" ever achieved. Here now for your enjoyment is my long lost work of art entitled "Counting Change". Enjoy!

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25 cents
50 cents
75 cents

25 cents
50 cents
75 cents

25 cents
50 cents
75 cents

25 cents
50 cents
75 cents
83 cents

83 cents


Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Some Thing's You'd Like to Forget


This is a picture my wife took of me when we went to the movies to see "Pearl Harbor". Ah, the memories.

Monday, July 04, 2005

All In One

gizmag Article: New Hitachi machine washes and dries clothes all in one

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Interesting. A machine that both washes and dries your clothes. This got me about a blow dryer attached to a shower head?

Who Knew?

Estonians snatch world wife-carrying title again - Yahoo! News

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This is how my wife and I travel everywhere we go. Nobody ever told us we could actually win something for doing it. Then again, those darn Estonian's have such a vice grip on the title, I doubt we'd have any chance at all. The Estonians are to wife-carrying, what the Kenyans are to marathon running. Curse you Estonia and all your wife-carrying people!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

You Gotta Stand For Something

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These days you can't go anywhere without seeing magnetic ribbons on cars supporting this cause or that. In fact, it's not uncommon to see multiple ribbons on one car, which can be problematic. There are a plethora of ribbons and only so much car on which to display them. If, for example, all you have is a ribbon supporting the fight against cancer, then are you saying you don't support our troops? Or you don't care about finding a cure for AIDS? You don't want to send the wrong message, right? Or even worse, no message at all. That's why I've designed the above ribbon. The most politically correct ribbon ever made. Buy one today and stand for something...anything!